I can't keep up with your turning tables

2011-05-26T10:36:00.001-07:00

sleepisbeingawake.wordpress.com

2011-05-16T23:59:00.001-07:00

To be honest, I feel like deleting this blog. I want to start over again in a different place. To turn over a new leaf.

Humbled by reality

2011-05-11T07:04:00.000-07:00

This holiday has been beyond unproductive. Did some driving here and there. Watch 80's and 90's films. Getting emotional over a Korean drama called 49 Days. Sleep like a professional sloth. This holiday is static as far as I am concerned.

New semester begins next week aka the beginning of my second year. That dilemma of choosing an elective starts to reappear all over again. Sigh. And my timetable do not look promising at all.

Finally have a copy of Story of A Girl. LIKE FINALLY AFTER THREE FREAKING YEARS. It's good but it is not phenomenal or a life-changing experience for me. But I do feel sad for what the main character had to go through over an incident that happen years ago (in the book).

I thought of buying a weighing scale to put in my room but I force myself not to buy it because once I have it within my sight, I will be overly obsessed about my weight to the point where it becomes unhealthy. It happened once and it will never happen again lol.

good things are always fragile in my hand.

Cherishing it is a one tough job.

Interlude

2011-04-24T01:34:00.000-07:00

3 papers down and 2 more electives to go. Breath in breath out.

Tomorrow shall be my Sociology paper and I am rolling on my bed looking for something else.

Cut my fringe into a bang. It looks quite cute in my opinion. Made my face look smaller if that is really possible LOL. But since it was not done by a professional (my sister and I did cut it ourselves) the result is not flawless. But it is free so I don't have the right to complain (although I did).

I am at this point of stage where I am obsessed with ONE OK ROCK (it is intentionally spelled capitalized, don't be alarmed by it). It is hard to believe the lead singer was an ex Johnnys. Taka's (the vocalist) voice is so goood. His live perfomance of Et Cetera almost reduced me to tears. I can't wait to hear his live perfomance of Liar though, that would surely be epic.

Right now, I would do anything to see them live. Them and Big Bang (why of course).

and I am in love with Taka's latest hair. If I am a guy I would keep that hairstyle forever and forever.

Trying to sing in tune

2011-04-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

I am always more motivated to write when an examination is near. The moment I tried to write down a point or memorise one, that urge to write just came out of nowhere.

I was excited for the release of Sucker Punch (hello Emily Browning) and Red Riding Hood (heard Leo produced it). But the reviews all over the Internet is putting me off. So much for a movie night out heh.

According to Looking For Alaska, the only way out of this labyrinth of suffering is to forgive. What if I can't forgive though? I want to spin around the labyrinth. Refusing to find my momentum. I refuse to forgive because I don't deserve to be forgiven.

A heart is a heavy burden - Howl's Moving Castle.

Searching for the Great Perhaps.

2011-03-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

I have always enjoyed reading young adult fiction. I don't know, maybe being an eighteen years old teenager I relate more to this genre of book although I enjoy a lot of literature too.

Some Girls Are, Courtney Summers

- I wonder if, even after all of this, he understands how fragile good things are in my hands and how many times they've been taken away from me.

- Stand. Stand, Regina. It's easy. Stand. You do it everyday.

- If I could guarantee she did something stupid like this every day, getting up in the morning would be infinitely easier.

Wintergirls, Laurie Halse Anderson

- We are crayons and lunchboxes and swinging our sneakers punch holes in the clouds.

- Because I am still a little girl who believes in Santa and the tooth fairy and you.

Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson

- I have never heard a more eloquent silence.

- They say they have noticed me drawing. I almost tell them right then and there. They noticed.

Looking For Alaska, John Green

- So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was a drizzle and she was a hurricane.

- How will we get out of this labyrinth of suffering?

The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.

- Thomas Edison's last words were 'It's very beautiful over there'. I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful.

- Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps'. That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps.

and so ooooon.

These four books are my favourite among all. Treasured prizes indeed. I am just glad I came across them.

I can't talk with a hipster to save my life

2011-03-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

Turning tables by Adele is an instant replay nowadays (hence my blog title). I have to fabricate stories on how a leader was chosen for our volunteer group. I am good liar but the charm is not on my side right now.

I am in the mood to eat Tom Yam. The only good Tom Yam I had nowadays is the one in Ampang and a small stall inside Mid Valley. What made the one in Mid Valley special is that it is cooked by the Thais themselves (hence a unique taste than the one I usually ate at other stalls) and sold at a quite good price. RM5 for crab, squid, prawn and assorted noodles. I like that they put kangkung in the soup. I am practically salivating right now thank you very much.

I am practically a minimalism-obsessed person as of now. Not to mention I am in love with coloured hair (purple, blue, magenta and you name it!)

That blondie boy on the left is... sigh. I don't want to get my heart all broken. Lol, I sound like a delusional fangirl. One thing about me is that when it comes to Kpop, don't take me seriously. I might be crazy about them but I am aware of the wrongs and rights of the Kpop industry.

Which brings me to one of the things I am absolutely disgusted about. Flushing. The. Toilet. I have come across so many toilets that were left not flushed that I am not even surprise whenever I pushed the toilet door open at my college.

1) Go in

2) Do your business/call of nature

3) Push/pull the button/the handle aka flush it down

Does not require groundbreaking mathematical problem solving right?

Whatever, I am getting myself a cheesed fries while staring at these pictures below one by one.

Perish the thoughts

2011-03-20T03:45:00.000-07:00

I watched Mission Impossible 3 yesterday on TV. Lol, I can't stand looking at Tom Cruise. His face just irritates me. After Mission Impossible ended, they showed Titanic the 1953 year version. I quite like it. I like Hollywood classic looks apparently (hence, my obsession with James Dean). I noticed that the older version of Titanic had some architectural similarities with the one directed by James Cameron. I wonder if it meant that it was Titanic's original interior design.

Which of course means that I missed seeing Super Junior live for the fourth time yesterday. I am not a really a big fan of them but Kpop concerts are always a must go to events. They have amazing pyrotechnics, funny skits and great stage presence. I enjoy going to Kpop concerts lol.

I thought of getting myself t-shirts with sentences like 'Perish The Thoughts' and 'I Was Happy' printed on it. Sometimes I think I see myself as a bubbly girl who cracks up jokes whenever she can. But when I am at home and lying down on my bed; cynical and weird thoughts started to appear in my head.

Two days ago everybody was busy at work leaving me the only student in the family stranded with no transportation to go back home. So I went to KLCC and hang out at Kino. Lol, two things happened to me. One, there was an old man next to me reading fashion magazines like Vogue and so on and he kept tsking to himself. That brought me to three conclusions.

Either he's appalled by the fashion design he saw in the magazines, shocked by the high prices of high class brands or he's not happy with whatever the content published. Either way it annoyed the hell out of me. He goes tsk.. tsk.. tsk for 30 minutes. I was ready to pull my hair out for one second.

Second, I made an impulsive purchase in Kino. I wanted to buy Howl's Moving Castle but the book was nowhere to be seen and I forgot to ask about Story of A Girl. I'm a huge fan of Laurie Halse Anderson. Two books I've read from her which were Wintergirls and Speak are books I am highly in love with. Prom... not so much. But I saw Twisted so I thought of just buying it for the sake of buying a new book.

It did not disappoint me, that's for sure. Basically a story about a nerd boy who changed into a sort of muscular man during the summer and attracted the attention of his high school Queen Bee. Troubles ensued after that. Either way I like it.

What's funny though is that Tyler (the main character) often think about death. He asked himself if he is the only one and I would like to say no. I think about death all the time. On my way to school in the LRT. In the car travelling to designated destinations. Although the only difference is he often thought of killing himself and I don't. I often thought about the possibilities of how I may die. Lol, see how morbid I can get when I am left all alone.

It's a good book. I advise you to read because Laurie Anderson is a brilliant Young Adult author :)

and now I feel like watching the most accurate Titanic film (quoted by Wiki) titled A Night To Remember.

I wonder how will my face look like if I caught using a polaroid camera. Speaking of which my lomography camera fucking suck.

Holding my forever peace with dignity.

2011-02-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

Like suddenly Haruki Murakami is famous in Malaysia. I guess it is because of the movie released some months ago. Oh well, Kafka on The Shore is so much better to me.

I watched Never Let Me Go because it has Andrew Garfield and Carey Mulligan in it. It was a tragedy from the start. Depressing and sad. But worth a watch for film lovers.

I have so much to write right now for this post but all that comes out are incoherent words and sentences. I need a new bookshelf. My current one can't fit all the books I have and planning to buy. But my room is pretty small so I have no idea where to put it even if I buy it in the future.

I hate thinking too much about trivial things sometimes.

Like the CSS codes and Photoshop. I'm such a failure when it comes to photo editing and computer. I'd like to learn how to print pictures though (the traditional way of course). Having my own darkroom seems pretty cool.

I haven't written down any tales or stories for quite a while and whatever I wrote these days sounds so.... emoish (or hipsterish. Take a pick). I need a new notebook and planner. Maybe later when I go to Kino. The bookshop which still haven't called me on my book ordering. Rageeeeee.

I feel like my life is so out of my control now. It is not amusing and I feel like lashing at people who told me ~~Life is unpredictable. Flow with it~~

SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay, dah emo.

I want to be a better person when it comes to drawing so that when I have the urge to draw in my newly bought notebook it wouldn't turn out ugly like now ;~;

"Don't you hate when you open a bag of chips and it's only 30% full? That's how guys feel about a push up bra." The stupidest statement I have ever read. A girl should be able to wear a push up bra without trying to please a man thank you very much. Not everything revolves around guys.

But yes I do get mad when my bag of chips is only 30% full. Like mad mad.

All I want to do right now is lie down on my bed and watch millions of movies. Getting mindfucked.

but noooo, I have millions of assigments to do. Sigh.

2011-02-11T08:20:00.000-08:00

I'm getting quite pissed right now. Kinokuniya promised me the book will arrive by now yet satu batang hidung pun tak nampak.

I'm usually a very patient person but I have my limits.

In other words, the workload at college in insane. Just looking at the assignment guideline gives me fatigue.

I'm in no mood to blog whatsoever. So here's a song for you.

The wonders of my world.

2011-01-26T10:12:00.000-08:00

A new semester begins and bam I am slapped with dozens of assignments. Hurray. Not. Whatever, tomorrow's class is cancelled so I'm trying to rewatch Battle Royale. I can say it's my first ultraviolent movie for quite a while. The plot of the story is engaging, the killing scenes are impressive but the acting... LOL. I mean they're good but I don't know, some parts even though it's sad and serious made me laugh.

I want to do something about my hair. It's straight like nobody's business so the fringe are poking my eyes. I want to curl it but but I am cheap like that and I am scared I might regret it so bye bye RM300. I just want to go to a saloon and fixed my hair. Cut off my fringe. I feel like I have written and typed that fringe sentence billlion times already.

On another note I finished the Hunger Games trilogy. The ending left me feeling all unsatisfied. It's a great series really, the characters are a bit flat sometimes but the rest are pretty amazing. I feel like writing my own dystopian fiction once I finished the first book. I'm a bit pissed though that a character I like died. Okay fine, since not many people read this blog I'm gonna go ahead, spoil the ending and say his name. Finnick. God damnit, he's like my favourite character and he just got married yet he died! Lol, I legitly said "what the fuck?" when I read his death scene.

Fall For Anything by Courtney Summers is very different from her previous books. I hate the feeling of not knowing so the book made me feel... disturbed and unsettled. To not know. It's a horrible feeling.

I've ordered Story of A Girl from Kinokuniya and it will arrive within the next two weeks. Yay! Can't wait and I think I'll buy Before I Fall too because the introduction draws me in. Oooh, and I'm eyeing for a simple Vans sneakers. I saw a blue one the other day but I'm still thinking whether I should get it or not.

Speaking of, I met a guy who looks like Mike Shinoda while trying out the shoes. He's also trying shoes. What baffles me the most was the fact that he leaves his Ipad on the cushion while he went to check himself out in the mirror. IPAD. ALONE. What the....

AND HAHAH, Christian Bale is nominated for Oscar. I wonder if Leo is drinking out of his sorrows of not yet being nominated for Oscar. Oh well, there is always next time Leo. Besides you are already a winner in my heart :> LMAO.

New Vampire Diaries episode tomorrow, I like watching Caroline and Tyler together. They're cute.

I'd like to try weed once in the future.

and and

I dream of being a backup dancer for YG Entertainment if I have the ability to dance. That is if you call flailing dancing. The choreo for High High is so fun to dance around with other people on a stage.

It all leads to one simple thing

2011-01-10T03:14:00.000-08:00

I... always think about death. Death always made me wonder about so many things. When, where, how, with who? How will I feel? Satisfied, sad, happy, discontent or et cetera? Have I done enough really to actually be content of leaving this world. Will the deeds I did accepted as genuine enough? I am glad really I am reminded of death all the time. It holds me firm enough on the ground. I won't float away.

Food for thoughts for me today.

Installed unifi today, bought Fall For Anything (loving it), complained to RapidKL about my card and drove a little bit today (get honked twice for being too slow... LOL).

Life is static as of this moment.

My birthday is next week. But I don't hope for much anymore. Maybe for some of my dreams to just stop from making me.... hope.

Reading a depressing book can do this much effect to me. and somehow in someway i like it.

Is it possible to be so tired, you will eventually forget how to breath... live even? I love writing in riddles. It opens my own eyes to so many meanings and interpretations.

I want to eat ice cream.

i hate those new year resolutions lmao

2011-01-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

I have always wondered how will a macaron taste like if you replaced the fillings with ice cream. My mind would probably explode from its sweetness and deliciousness. But baking have never been my area of expertise (other than baking bread pudding but that was because I have to bake over 500 of them for an event).

My dream is still to open a bookshop. LOL I have no idea why I refuse to let go of that dream even though I'm pursuing something that is not relevant with what I am studying right now but hey that's the point of dream right.

I N C E P T I O N

Lol joking joking.

Here's a funny Ryuhei Matsuda to welcome 2011 with a big thumbs up. I don't know who's the other guy but I suspect it is Masanobu Ando XD

2010-12-30T07:50:00.000-08:00

It's the final days of 2010 and I have nothing better to do right now so I thought what the heck... let's do a double post.

So while listening to Yui Makino's arrangement of Debussy's Pour Invoquer Pan, dieu du vent d'ete (which is a gorgeous arrangement by the way, fits the somber mood of All About Lily Chou Chou) I have been crushing my head trying to get back the motivation to move around the house. But I digress, lying on the bed, feeling the cool breeze of the air conditioner is a great way to spend a night until 4 o'clock in the morning.

I love the sight of red vintage cars.
I love the crunch dry leaves made when I step on them.
I love the windy breeze of a beach.
I love the smell of newly bought clothes and books.
I love the smell of the newly washed blankets.
I love films.
I love being emo sometimes LMAO.

I wish I can play the piano and violin.

I wish I can paste the things I want on the wall without ruining the white paint.

I wish for gift cards of Kinokuniya/Amazon to miraculously fall down from the sky.

I wish I can open a book shop.

I wish I live in a four season country.

I wish my hair is long already!

I want to join a choir group.

I want to play in an orchestra.

I want to visit Tokyo, Seoul, Paris and London (too cliche lol).

It's the things I want to do, the desire I need to achieve that will remind me of one of my favourite quote from Sylvia Plath. I am just horribly limited to everything. I need to accept that fact. I hate telling people to move on with their life (unless it involves superficial stuffs like their favourite actor marrying someone cause sorry to say crying over things like that is just... lol wtf?!?!). I know that feeling of slapping someone whenever people tell me to move on lol. No I won't move on and I will take my time in moving forward.

I feel like eating Dave Deli's chicken sandwich. So delicious I can eat everyday for the rest of my life. I hope.

Sometimes I don't believe in a no-win scenario yet...

2010-12-30T05:53:00.000-08:00

So, Black Swan is coming out this February in the cinema near my area. Excited is the understatement of the year lmao. Oh, I also failed my first part of the driving test yet I passed the second part with flying colours. I hate hills. Period. The funniest thing was that I was so confident in passing the first part yet the opposite happen. Ah, life's challenges. Make you want to feel like slapping someone sometimes.

2010 has a been year with many ups and downs. The downs (see above) are pretty much things I can get over with so yeah... not bad 2010. I like you. Here's hoping for 2011 to be more awesome too.

I saw a post from someone's blog asking her what is her most favorite scene from a movie. It got me thinking. I had a lot obviously. In Howl's Moving Castle I really love the part when Howl and Sophie was strolling in the sky. The background music is so lovely. In Spirited Away I love the part when Haku and Chihiro is falling down from the sky. Yes, I love skies apparently.

But I guess my most favorite scene has to be the umbrella scene from the Korean movie The Classic. A pretty boring movie for me LOL but that scene was very precious and it stopped my heart for a second. So freaking romantic. I'm buffering it on Youtube now as I write heh.

But then again, All About Lily Chou Chou's opening takes my breath away. It is just so ethereal. I will cherish this movie forever. The first movie that opens me up to other different great films. Sigh. I have too many scenes I love in my head and heart and it is hard to just pin point one scene out.

My wishlist still stands strong. I still want Sylvia Plath's journal and Courtney Summer's latest book Fall For Anything as my birthday present. Probably a new pair of jeans and shoes too.

It takes up a lot of gut to stand up and speak your mind. I respect people who possesses that trait. BUT when all you do is voicing out stupid, racist and ignorant comments. Please, get out of my sight.

and I know this may sound weird and random but there are times when I look at the mirror and I wish I'm very thin just so I can see bones protruding out from my skin. Wow, that's a weird thought.

LOL btw I think I'm interested in Star Trek right now. I watched the movie last year and enjoyed it. Last week my brother in law gave me the Star Trek copy and I felt the joy I had last year all over again hahaha.

I’m free, I think. I shut my eyes and think hard and deep about how free I am, but I can’t really understand what it means. All I know is I’m totally alone. All alone in an unfamiliar place, like some solitary explorer who’s lost his compass and his map. Is this what it means to be free?

Haruki Murakami - Kafka On The Shore

The world is not black and white, sadly.

2010-12-20T23:26:00.000-08:00

My friend is asking me to update my blog and I really want too but I have no idea what to write. Writing about finishing my exams (which I did HOYEAH) seems a little bit formulaic. I went to Malacca the other day (which is an amazing yet funny trip) but I am too lazy to recollect and write down every single details up to the point of how many chillis I saw in my fried rice. I'm no CSI investigator just saying.

I was supposed to have my driving test tomorrow but somehow it's change to next week so I am chilling out in my room. Somebody crashes into my mother's flowerbed and she's sad about it. I suspect my douchey neighbour did it cause she's angry that some Telekom workers who fixed our internet and telephone line yesterday walked on top of her roof. I did not call her a douchey neighbour for no reason yeah.

I thought of making a list of my favourite people in Hollywood. It's hard making a list to be honest cause there is that slight bias you have to some actors and actresses. Some actors and actresses shine in this one movie but suck at other movie.

I think I have said a million times how much I love Saoirse Ronan and Cillian Muprhy so I will skip them both.

Carey Mulligan is honestly the cutest girl I have ever seen. Wall Street is honestly the most boring film I've ever seen in my life LOL and I've seen quite few boring movies. I guess business and the corporate world is not my favourite slice of pie. Okay, now I'm craving for some Strawberry Marshamallow Cheesecake. But people have said that her 2009 film An Education is impressive.

Then you have Andrew Garfield. I don't care Nabila I still think Garfield is still a hot name LOL. He acted in this film with Carey Mulligan and Keira Knightley titled Never Let Me Go. I still haven't seen it too although I am aware about the novel. I need the motivation to read literature once again.

Ryan Gosling. Hotness. Truth. I watched him first in that lolfest teenage drama called Breaker High. He was charming then and still charming now. I hate The Notebook though. I am hard to please when it comes to romance. I mean I even dislike 500 Days of Summer HAHAHA. Although Rapunzel is an exception. Now that is just lovely.

Winona Ryder is perfection when it comes to everything. Heard some great reviews about her comeback in Black Swan. OKAY, BLACK SWAN NEED TO BE SHOWN IN MALAYSIA RIGHT AWAY.

Christian Bale is great. He voiced as Howl in Howl's Moving Castle. He's suave in all the Batman movies. He's cute in Little Women. He sang the Powerpuff Girls' theme in one of the interview with Mark Wahlberg. LOL he's just crazy.

Notable mentions include Mia Wasikowska (because her name will always remind me of Mike Wyazowksi from Monsters Inc), Olivia Thirlby, Leonardo di Caprio (forever love him in Titanic), Jude Law, Chloe Moretz, Val Kilmer, Christian Slater (the both of them used to be sooooo hot once upon a time) and Taylor Kitsch.

Johnny Depp was so good looking when he was young too. Not that he's not good looking now but I love his face in 21 Jump Street lmao.

AND WOW how could I forget Jensen Ackles? I edited this post just to type in his name XD He's hot and he's the only reason why I fell in love with vintage cars in the first place.

Movies released in 2011 that I can't wait for are A Dangerous Method because it features the father of Psychology, Sigmund Freud plus Carl Jung and also the film Jane Eyre because I love old fiction that has Gothic elements like Great Expectations.

This may seem random but I love black and white photoshoots of actors and actresses. If it is possible I'd love to paste their faces on my wall (my mum will kill me though if I dare to contaminate her white wall lmao). Black and white portraits have this essence of professionalism and it reminds people like me why are they actors and actresses. The expression, the charisma. Everything.

Wow this is a long post.

This post is dedicated to Fana (ok? LOL) Let's watch A Dangerous Method together with other Psych students cause it's about Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung XP

I whip my exam papers back and forth

2010-12-03T04:53:00.000-08:00

I am pulling my hair reading excerpts from Sylvia Plath's journal. Please please please somebody just somebody buy her journal for me as my birthday present. I will love you forever and forever. Pinky swear.

On another note.

I am learning to understand rather than immediately judge or to be judged. I cannot blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I will not allow myself to indulge in the usual manipulating game of role creation. Fortunately for me, my self-knowledge has transcended that and I have come to understand that life is best to be lived and not to be conceptualized. I am happy because I am growing daily and I am honestly not knowing where the limit lies. To be certain, every day there can be a revelation or a new discovery. I treasure the memory of the past misfortunes. It has added more to my bank of fortitude.

Thank you Bruce Lee for giving such an inspirational quote. Putting this on my slowmo lappy desktop so I can see it everyday.

I saw this meme on somebody's blog. Seems pretty interesting lol. I just need a reason to write. Pressure from exam can do this to me.

To my future boyfriend; this is me your future girlfriend. I have my pros and cons. Can you live with it?

Cons
There is a high chance I might... forget your birthday cause I often forget my family members' birthday. We'll have to see.
I have this bad habit where I sometimes zoned out in the middle of conversations.
I frown upon certain stuffs and instead of voicing them out I'll probably give you a cold shoulder leaving you feeling "WTF?!"
If I ever meet your friends, I might be somewhat a little social butterfly. I shut my mouth automatically with people I don't know
I hate replying messages through phones, I prefer talking just to get my point across. So... if you love messaging but hate calling... we might have a problem.

Pros
I am a good listener. Talk to me about anything and I will listen.
I don't like feeling in debt to people. So if we go out to eat together I'll pay for my own food and et ceteras. You only have to take care of your own expenses.
I give you space. Absolutely. Space is a huge thing for me.

I am easily pleased. Just buy me books or notebooks or bookstores's vouchers and I will be thankful. No need for flowers (cause they're gonna die and I am a horrible gardener) or chocolates (I dislike chocolates) or even jewelleries (I don't wear those stuffs)

.....

I have no idea. Hah, maybe I will probably be a bad girlfriend XD

2010-11-30T07:13:00.001-08:00

My brother had just taught me how to make and fry squid tempuras. It was so complicated and scary. I hate hot oil with all my life. So when my brother dipped his fingers into the hot oil for whatever reasons I was horrified. But the result was deliciously fried squids. I was sighing in happiness while dipping it into the soy sauce. Being alone inside the kitchen while savouring the food. Bliss.

Cleaning up was such a bitch though. My brother sprinkled the sticky flour all over the place while frying it so I had to scrap all those hardened floour. So freaking tedious. Then I had to mop the floor, clean the frying area and wash the dishes.

It ruined my diet plan but blah I am not going to be depressed about it cause I am aware of the consequences before shoving these delicious food down my throat.

My advise is just go over to a Japanese restaurant if you feel like having it. 7 fried squids to me takes too much effort to fry. If you want to try though by all means good luck.

Finals are starting next week and I am too lazy to open my slow-ass Powerpoint to read the notes. I am tempted to print down the notes but since I won't be seeing this subject next sememster I won't even bother. That and my printer is an inch from being called a junk.

Legitly scared for my driving test though. Sigh.

Also if a playboy or any guy really come up to me and say "Are you Google? Cause you are everything I am looking for." I SWEAR I WILL PUKE RIGHT THERE.

Corny and cheesy moment right there. Uggggggggggggggggh, I can't handle it.

However though I seriously went all melted down into a puddle when I watched Days Of Being Wild. Leslie Cheung playing a playboy was flirting with Maggie Cheung. He said to her "Tonight, you will dream about me."

The next day he came to meet her and she was all "I didn't dream about you at all last night." smugly. But of course, Leslie with a confident poise replied "Of course. You couldn't sleep at all."

Seriously, I think my heart stopped for a second when he delivered those lines. Perfect and flawless man right over there.

I can't stand cigarettes' smoke as my nose will get all itchy and it is really annoying. But seeing Tony Leung smoking Wong Kar Wai's films is so ethereal I have no idea why. There is something about the way he smoked which is intriguing.

And I am dazzled by Du Juan's stunning beauty. She will always be my favourite model because she is just stunning, beautiful, graceful and everything I dream of exuding off as an aura (lol if that makes sense).

She's on the right. The left is another called Sun Fei Fei.

Stunning.

2010-11-21T05:28:00.000-08:00

So, instead of focusing on my one last assignment which have to be handed in this Thursday I decided to go on a movie-watching spree. Harry Potter is awesome, period. I wouldn't mind watching it for the second, the third and maybe the fourth time on the big screen. My most favourite HP movie will have to be Prisoner of Azkaban followed by Chamber of Secrets but this is probably the third one I love.

Pumped up by that movie, I went and watch other movies lol. Just thought of making up a list of my favourite actors and actresses.

1. Yu Aoi.

I noticed her in All About Lily Chou Chou. The part when she discovered the flying kites was heart-wrenching. Cause you have Salyu's voice at the back and you saw her cheerful face while deep down she can't seem to find any escape out of her misery life. And then she said happily yet meekly to one of the guy nagivating the kites that she wants to fly. OMG, major tissue moment over here.

2. Saoirse Ronan.

Many people hated her character in Atonement because she basically broke up her sister and the boyfriend's relationship. I have no idea why I felt so much sympathy for her. Of course another person played her character when she was grown up but the impact of what she did as a child lingers on until we found out the real truth in the end. But I love her and what she brings to the movie screen. Sympathy, the need for redemption and the eternal sense of regret. (I feel like I keep on repeating those words. My theme of life I guess?)

3. Tony Leung.

I love this guy so freaking much. It is that damn cute smile I swear. There is something charismatic about him. The poise. Gargh, he is amazing in both In The Mood for Love (love the title of the movie btw, it... has that vintage aura lol) and Lust, Caution. Infernal Affairs still remain a favourite Hong Kong action film of mine (btw I really like The New Police Story just because it has that hot Daniel Wu in it. Am I awesome or am I awesome? LOL). What can I say? Expressive eyes has always been my weakness. I think I'll be starstruck if I ever met him.

4. Cillian Murphy.

Those damn blue eyes. I gotta say I like him for vapid reasons aka he's handsome, hot and good looking lol. But he acted in some pretty incredible movies like Breakfast On Pluto and The Wind That Shakes The Barley (both of which I haven't had the liberty of seeing yet). He also starred in 28 Days Later which lmao I have no intention on seeing because gore is a big no no to me. I don't know... I can watch gore mix with other genre like drama or comedy (or have a little intricate details of art in it) but gore itself plus horror, my fragile heart can't take it.

5. Leslie Cheung.

Like come on, he's a freaking legend. I mostly associated him with comedic roles because I grew up watching him acting in A Chinese Ghost Story, All's Well Ends Well and Ninth Happiness (looool, fucking hilarious at the time I watched it). Then I found about Farewell My Concubine and Double Tap. Wooooah was I blown away by his acting. That and his incredibly good looks. RIP Leslie Cheung, you are a legend.

Speaking of movies All About Lily Chou Chou was the first movie that change my outlook on the way I view movies. I used to be so obsessed about parody movies and crappy teeny-bopper movies that are filled with repetitive cliches. Cringing just remembering my obsession. With that I realise how incredible was Pan's Labyrinth and Shawshank Redemption and I am glad I watched them during my ignorace film period. At least it did not make me feel helpless XD

I just wish I watched All About Lily when I was in high school.

Farewell My Concubine is a phenomenal film in my opinion. Just seeing the trailer changes my mood in something else I don't know how to describe. Sad? Distraught? Loss? I don't know, somewhere along that line.

So many thoughts flying; might as well write it.

2010-11-15T03:11:00.001-08:00

Did an account on Tumblr. Got bored on it. Will probably remain hiatus until I reach a level where I am interested at it.

It had been a very busy month for me what with all the assignments that had to be done and handed in. I was involved in a community project. Learning how to drive. Helping out my family with my sister's wedding. I just don't have the time to stop and think for quite a while.

I was seriously paranoid on being cut off from an online writing community for being an inactive member lmao. Omg, I just don't have enough time these days. Thank God I managed to fulfill the quota required to remain in the community. Now that I sort of gained my momentum because almost 60% of my workload is done therefore I actually have the time to breath and chill~

Which leads me to finding several awesome stuffs within the internet heh.

I have always been interested in designing. Sadly, I lack the talent when it comes to designing. However I do appreciate the extraordinary photographs and designs done by people. I don't know. There's more to life than just being involved in a relationship or being a rebellious teenager or being a hipster or... you get my point right? I discovered so many things within a span of a year and sort of grew to hate and love the humanity (both the reality and the facade) of this world.

Hating the glamorization of domestic violence (No. I won't get over it). Crossing the line on so many areas. Being content with what I have. Discovering the grey areas and accept that it is frustrating to not being able to reach an ultimatum. 2010 has a been year of self-discovery and I like it. So yeah sometimes I do tend to be taken back by people who wrote FML because of tedious things. I mean... like really?

Okay, I'm getting off track right here.

The real point is I discovered The Criterion Collection. And I fell in love with it. Just looking at it motivated me not to buy pirated CDs and DVDs LMAO. Basically Criterion is a company that sells classic and contemporary films in high quality DVDs. Even the boxset is breathtaking. Can I say that working at Criterion has now become a dream job of mine? I should pat myself on the back for gaining an objective that does not involves books, books and books FINALLY.

Speaking of, I lost my Great Expectations book. Cried like never before. That classic should have never disappear from my eyes and yet it did.

Black Swan is not going to be shown in Malaysia. In fact every single movie I want to watch is not going to be released in Malaysia. Scott Pilgrim, Easy A, Black Swan and the rest. Boooo.

However I am excited with the upcoming Harry Potter final movie. I don't know whether I will shed some motherfarking tears while watching it cause I'm not big on being sentimental but lol it is the final movie. No more trio after this. No more Draco Malfoy after this. Sigh. That feeling of saying goodbye. Don't make me cry like how I did while watching Toy Story 3.

Wishlist

A moleskine (preferably pink or black)

PostSecret book

The whole DVD collection of Shunji Iwai

A Blackberry?

No more 8 am class for next semester lol

A new Gap jeans

SYLVIA PLATH'S UNABRIDGED JOURNAL (there's a reason why I put it on capslock hehe)

and so on...

Desires can be so futile sometimes.

On that note, here's an example of the DVD cover from the Criterion Collection.

Drooooooool.

yessir!

2010-10-28T08:59:00.002-07:00

Funny lyrics. What can I say about them? They are beyond hilarious. They make me roll my eyes backwards.

For example: Firefly by Owl City. LMAO.

Cause I got a thousand hugs, from ten thousand lightning bugs.

Does this guy have any idea how small is the size of a lightning bug? It is not possible in any way for these things to hug you. They will either run away from you or.... do something else other than hug you trust me.

Then you have: Angels Cry by Mariah Carey feat Neyo. It is a sad melancholic song but I can't help laughing at one point of the lyrics after someone mentioned it.

Lightning don't strike the same place twice, when you and I said goodbye, I feel the angels cry.

1) Lightning do strike the same place twice. I watched it on Mythbusters.

2) Ladies and gentlemen, angels have other better things to do than cry over your relationship.

I know I know I'm such a party pooper and a weird realist person.

Don't even get me started on Kpop and Jpop's engrish.

Come on Corvette

2010-10-25T04:01:00.000-07:00

Freedom of speech. Conformity. Either way I hate it when people use the 'freedom of speech' as a form of a reason why. Because I bet if there is an opposition towards the people's opinion, freedom of speech card would be left in the gutter. All you want is to rebutt, rebutt and call that person a hater, conservative or ignorant or whatever negative word you want to say.

Having freedom of speech is one thing. Tolerating the freedom of speech is another thing.

And is it that hard to find a vintage Impala or Corvette? But I have a feeling they are manual. *GULP*

My sister's wedding is coming this December and I just cannot fathom such.... cheesiness? I hate being the center of attention. I really can't imagine myself entering a wedding hall with my future husband and having thousand of eyes looking at us both. I'll probably just die from the strain tension.

I can see my bracelet dangling from your strong yet fragile hand. You hold on to it as if it is your key to mortality. You have no idea how I wish for the same feeling. Yet I know that Salvation is still a long way to go. So is Catharsis. That feeling of catharsis is just indescribable. To be pure once again.

And I am so sorry but I hate it when people overlook the fact about the domestic violence issue instilled within the song Love The Way You Lie. Nobody love lies, especially if it is from the one you love the most. Nobody love when it hurts, cause that is called domestic abuse. This song is nowhere near romantic. Trying to raise awareness but people only took notice of it because it sound ~good~. I hate that. Hate it.

2010-10-18T03:51:00.000-07:00

Okay so I tried purging in informations about BioPsych just now while hanging out with my friend but lol with her besides me it is just impossible. One minute we look at people's facebook, another minute we tell each other stupid jokes and another 5 minutes we spent our time laughing. That is basically my everyday life cycle with my college friends LMAO.

So anyway I was always interested in driving on a highway at night while putting on the speaker out loud and sing to the songs. I actually did a playlist and named it My Highway Jam LOL.

Go Away - 2NE1, Teenage Dream - Katy Perry, Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z feat Alicia Keys, We Belong Together - Gavin DeGraw, Flying Without Wings - Westlife (like come on... that is practically my life anthem as of now), Houwa & Arabesque - Salyu and so on.

By the way I am dying to have all the albums of Salyu and fuck they cost around RM100+? My God.

digital bounce

2010-10-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

Still not a huge fan of Vampire Diaries but still following it every week because it is the only interesting highschool/supernatural tv show right to me. Can I say that I am envious of the Mystic Falls' social lives? Like there is a freaking ball every episode. That or a party or a carnival. And you wonder why so many people got killed. Sit in your own house people.

And is anybody excited over that new vampire Rose. Cause I am. I don't know I just need a female vampire other than Katherine at the moment (probably on par with Katherine too!)

Blogspot is becoming so boring nowadays. Editing fonts and colours has become a problem I am not suppose to encounter. Feel like doing a new blog on another site because editing has never been my forte and my God is Blogspot is being a pain in the ass right now. Probably why I never got the muse to write here these days. That and assignments.

Watched 71 (Korean war movie). Kinda meh for me but the final scene where TOP cried before he died made me weep like a baby. Damnit. I hate being emotional over films, books, tv series and anything far from my reach.

But really... how could you not fall in love with this guy? My current desktop at the moment LOL. I swear I can stare at this picture for hours and still not get bored of it.

2010-10-10T04:20:00.000-07:00

I hate corny and cheesy stuffs (like half of the scenes of The Last Song and probably half of the chick lits available these days LMAO) but damnit that Korean drama Will It Snow For Christmas has turn me all lovey dovey SIGGGGH. It is so melodramatic omg the heroine cried every single episode. The hero is all noble and self-righteous. I feel like slapping both of them to oblivion lol but I still watch it episode by episode until I finished.

Just came by to say that I still hate corny and cheesy stuffs though XD

2010-09-29T07:23:00.001-07:00

the only way i can manage to create such flawless facade are because of the simple things in life. friends, music, movies and mockery of constant everyday encounters. once in a while, a breakdown is inevitable.

human beings just suffocate me sometimes. somehow by fate, i am chosen to be born as a human and a human i shall keep on living. i am tired and have no grasp on a stable emotion as of lately. even crying has to be done alone just so i can prove something to myself (hint: alone).

you ask me why should i feel thankful. i am thankful for so many things the list is endless. i'm glad i have enough food to eat, a great bed to sleep on, a laptop to obsess on, a mediocre internet connection to be satisfied of, great friends i will cherish forever, family members that... remains present. i am thankful for so many things.

you should too.

i do need one thing though. wait, two things. stability and space.

you are not the only one suffering throughout this whole ordeal.

i'd die from overflowing emotions of love and gratefulness if the boy i love present me with a bracelet with my names on it. i mean it.

and i crave for the need to place fingers down my throat. i feel so empty with it in and out.

2010-09-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

I just hate human beings sometimes.

i don't want to face this world alone; truth

2010-09-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

Had fun singing dozens and dozens of boybands' songs just now in the evening. Growing up in the 90's make me miss the cheesy (yet so addictive) songs. Backstreet Boys, Westlife, N'Sync and Blue turns out to be my eternal jam and I plan to burn them onto CDs just so I can annoy people who don't enjoy teen boppers like this :)

Mid sem timetable was just released yesterday. I have an exam at 8am. Like what the....

My mind can't function at such time. Catastrophe on the making right here -_-

Guess what I am doing right now? Why I am listening to songs by the boybands mentioned above of course. Incomplete by Backstreet Boys is just *sigh*. The cold realistic heart of mine melts just for the sake of these cheesy lyrics which I love just because I choose to love it.

dear you

2010-09-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

You try hard to be witty and funny but from my very own eyes I see nothing but hypocrisy. Such brand new information you post did not astound me. Get something new. Write something new. Amaze me with that and then we will start talking.

Sincerely,

bored of the same predictable thing everyday

oh my

2010-09-16T12:12:00.001-07:00

Ahh, my January birthday finally happens today. My mum bought me a pair of shoes from Hong Kong, my sister's buying me a lomography camera and my dad is giving me extra allowance next week toooo! It feels too good to be true. Sigh in satisfaction.

I finally had an INTERESTING lecture throughout my five months in college (other than this other lecturer but that is another different story which deserves another post). We were separated into groups based on our personalities. People with almost the same characteristics had to draw their 'dream university' on a drawing block and I was in the easygoing, calm and good-listener people. OBVIOUSLY being good-listeners, we rarely talk. So once we get into the group a huge looong silence surrounds us. It was like somebody muted us or something. Until somebody piped up "Well this is awkward.."

We all laughed until silence took over us again. LMAO XD! Awkward situation is a situation where I will probably never ever want to be in and alas here I am in one.

Then we had to present our 'universities' and I really enjoyed the presentations. Later, the lecturer showed us two videos. The truly hilarious one was about Darth Vader trying to do the voice-over of tomtom GPS. Lol, that was insane. I laughed till I had tears in my eyes. I went home and watched another version featuring Master Yoda. That too was funneh as hell.

Did I mention that the lecturer was sort of like my ideal man? (Million times to fana and yuyu I know XD)

I just found out that I just can't find some enjoyment in romantic comedies at all. Except of course high school genres (bias overtook everything I guess). It's like hurm not realistic at all haha. Oh God have I turned cynical? In a nutshell though, romantic comedies are an automatic snoozefest to me nowadays.

I also just found out about the Fade To Black Edition of Sympathy for Lady Vengeance movie. Basically the movie starts in full colour but gradually turns to black and white as the movie reaches the end. OH. MY. GOODNESS. I need to see this movie in that edition like right now.

Sometimes I feel like doing a list of my favourite words just so I can read over it and feel a warm sensation within my soul, body and mind. Catharsis, salvation, wallflower and atonement are some of them as a starter.

Now I have to finish this new unheard assignment which has to be handed in next week. Which by the way is sort of impossible to find information on about ;_;

bak su cho :D

2010-09-13T03:05:00.000-07:00

The music video of Clap Your Hands by 2NE1 is so amusing. I want Bom's hair colour. Don't think it will suit my skin colour though. Damnit.

Somebody bought ahead of me the LAST copy of The Unabridged Journal of Sylvia Plath yesterday at the bookstore and now I have to wait for more months for the next copy. So fucking idiotic. So fucking unfair. Insert more double standard curses lol. So I went ahead and treat myself with a pretty pricey notebook heh. Pretty by the way. I feel so motivated to write and study just by looking at it hahah. It would be awesome to have a Sylvia Plath writing style though.

I am interested in doing postgraduate research on Gender Studies rather than Clinical Psychology or Counselling just saying. It would be so cool if I can take Women's Studies as an elective. A degree in Library Science sounds pretty interesting. What the hell am I doing in Psychology again LOL.

I think marvelling over the beauty of several architectures of universities around the world has depresses me a little bit. My college is to say the least has a pretty high school or bomb shelter environment lol.

I use toooo much lol these days. lol. there you go again. If you are pissed reading lol by me over and over again well too bad I'll still use them in the future lololololol (I am so fucking annoying today lmao)

OMG. Courtney Summers is releasing a new book later this year titled Fall For Anything. Somebody hold me please. The book cover is so pretty. I actually don't mind spending my money on hardcover books just because I like spending my money on books. ecxited. i can and yet won't bother to correct my wrong spelling on the word excited.

I want to love and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental & physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited. - Sylvia Plath

rantings cannot never get any better

2010-09-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Stop talking to ME in class. I paid a shit load of money to hear the lecturer rambles on and on. Not yours. So freaking annoying >:( (no, it's not you fana or yuyu so chill ma girls lol) But seriously here I am trying to fucking concentrate and here you are trying to tell stories about your daily routines. REALLY? Can we keep that after class? Even if the lecturers are boring I'll always doodle on paper, write short stories or poems on paper but NOT TALKING ABOUT MY DAILY ROUTINES. Save that for some other time.

On another note, I just came froma buffet with my family and I am beyond bloated right now. My stomach will probably burst at any second right now. By the way, my sister tricked me into eating deer meat ;_; Now all I can think of is Bambi crying for his mother. Damnit.

rantings can never get better

2010-09-03T00:37:00.000-07:00

I know this is the month where we have to purify ourselves and nurture our patience but OMG stop it with the not flushing down your own fucking toilet. Especially in public places! Urgh. You don't call yourselves a world-class qualified students or professionals when you can't even flush your own freaking toilet.

On another note, I thought of taking 5 subjects this semester. Let's see if I shall survive this decision of mine. I miss McDonald, KFC and BurgerKing so much lol. I haven't eat any of those three for over three months. I want to eat some burgers!

crumbling insanity

2010-08-30T09:56:00.000-07:00

I munch crunchy caramel popcorn like fish need oxygen. Crying and sighing while watching Spirited Away over and over again. Beautiful. Just beautiful. I still haven't finished yet that young adult book I threw away. The metaphors were gorgeous, the characters were to say the least likable but I just don't have the energy and motivation to flip through the pages.

Dystopian fictions confuses me lol. I read The Handmaid's Tale once and quite like it (obvious rereading is needed). Still haven't touched The Hunger Games and 1984. Money is evil (although most figured that out ages ago lol).

The feeling guilt has always been associated within me. I feel guilty too much for my own good that sometimes it bring others harm. I'm writing like I am involved in a battle or something. My brother's not in Malaysia and God damnit I miss him because he always buy me food in the middle of the night and now that he's not here... I can't eat those delicious midnight snacks. I realise about the consequences of food which is why I never bitch about eating then worries about my weight. You take what you get and you do something about (or not).

ouch

2010-08-26T03:00:00.000-07:00

Heh, there is a cold war going around my house. I think I started it. I have no idea why. I got up and all I can sense is the spooky chilly air going around. Shudders. I wonder whether I'll be able to create the same atmosphere when I become a mum in the future. Just to give my children frightening memories of their mum as they grew up. But then again, I hated moments like this. I don't think I have the heart to rewind back the memories I despised upon them.

I am rereading Some Girls Are and it is still a great book in my opinion. The emotions. I wonder whether I am sadistic, masochistic or I sympathised easily with people because I do feel sorry for the main character of the book when she was not likable in the first place.

I did my first letter prompt out of the 30 letters yesterday. I think I did okay. I hate writing emotional stuffs because I am always afraid whether I trespassed the line of cliche and cheesiness with good writing style. Which is why I love writing cold hard facts essay rather than expressive creative stories. Lol it is for my best friend and I think I'll have the courage to show the letter when it is her birthday. Roughly 91 days starting from today. Wait for it gurl. LOL.

thank you hipsters, but no.

2010-08-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

LOL. I am in love with this picture right now. I wish I can use this on every annoying person I see. Once again, LOLOLOL.

I am sucker when it comes to reading people's Twitter. I refuse to have one because I am paranoid that some people might have the sanity to stalk my perfectly boring life (paranoid of the unknown remember?). Another because I think.... I am private person.... (BAHAHA *dead*). So anyway, I was reading one YA's author's twitter and felt compelled to buy her novels cause she's hilarious in there. AND NOW I'm in love with her novels hah! Her name's Courtney Summers by the way.

She wrote two books. Cracked Up To Be and Some Girls Are. Some Girls Are is my favourite out of the two. I have this bad habit of hating suprises and intense moments hence my love for spoilers so I read the last chapter of Cracked Up To Be first before reading the first chapter and lost the mysterious vibe about it (I'm such a bad reader sometimes *facepalm*) but Some Girls Are is so intense I finish it in one reading and did not bother finishing the other book I bought until today. I'm sorry my sentences made no sense but I just have to get this fangirling spazz out of my system lol.

Many people are raving about The Hunger Games. I don't know whether to believe it is good or not. The final book titled Mockingjay was just released yesterday or today and I've been itching to read it. Bless you book reviews. I need to read more Sylvia Plath's poems this holiday. I felt like doing the 30 Letters prompt.

I feel like doing something ruthless and reckless everytime I finish reading The Catcher In The Rye. Judge me all you want. I stopped caring about pleasing everybody ever since I met the person who almost made me fail in the one thing I want to succeed the most. Other than writing.

2010-08-20T04:11:00.000-07:00

Lolol, I love Big Bang with all my heart. My bias are T.O.P and GD so when I found out about the rumour that GD is dating a ViVi model and saw her picture lol I totally like her straight away (new girl-crush alert) HAHAHA. Hah! I won't cry and hate a girl just because she is dating a celebrity I like. Get a fucking life to people who actually wished that model to die. GET A FUCKING LIFE. I can't even comprehend such ridiculous thoughts.

My lappy is being a pain in the ass right now. So laggy and slow plus with the on and off internet connection. I am trying to save pictures of Mizuhara Kiko right now and it is pissing me off. Apparently, I am very melodramatic today. I need a new bag and a new wallet. A new pants and a new shoes lol. That's a lot of stuffs I need.

10 Things about me cause I am just bored.

1) I equate haha as gelak tak ikhlas (insincere laugh - direct translation from Malay lolol).

2) I easily get paranoid of non existent stuffs.

3) I am a HP geek. The only fantasy fiction I like right now (I know I should read MOAR fantasy fiction but I just can't imagine them).

4) I'm good at cooking but I'm just too lazy to cook.

5) I insult way too much popular movies, books and songs for my own good and I am aware that my taste in movies, books and songs suck once in a while.

6) My Malay can be too good or really bad. This is scarring cause I will end up get laughed at when I am in either position.

7) I am dyslexic when it comes to grammar T_T Teachers will always write 'Great essay, nice essay but pleeease work on the grammar' I think I have gotten better (I hope and pray).

8) I rather spulrge my money on expensive books than apparels.

9) I don't talk to strangers at all unless they ask for directions.

10) I am not hopeless romantic but I do wish for happy endings in books and movies (I'm looking at you Titanic, Inception and others)

2010-08-15T05:18:00.000-07:00

I get all teary eyed watching Little Women. The part when Beth died was the epitome of a heartbreaking moment. Sigh. Christian Bale, Winona Ryder, Claire Danes and Kirsten Dunst were looking so young in there (it was a 1994 movie).

Did anyone saw the teaser stills for the last movie of Harry Potter? Where the Death Eaters are all lined up looking so fierce and fly~ Trust the Death Eaters to redefine the meaning of fierce.

I have this serious urge to colour my hair brown but I still love my black hair so urgh, decisions can be a bitch sometimes lol.

I just had the funniest dream in my entire life. Tom Hardy (the guy who played as Eames in Inception) was in love with Nodame Cantabile. When I woke up I was like what the hell just happened in my dream HAHAHAHA. Random at it's (or its? grammar fail) best.

I'm not a freaking hipster wannabe but I have this serious urge buying a lomography camera and instant camera. I thought of doing a scrapbook on a Moleskine notebook (which by the way COST A BOMB, thank you capitalism) and arghh I am a perfectionist when it comes to writing and art. not really. I just want to take pictures a la screenshots of All About Lily Chou Chou.

That's it! I'm going to take Intro to Film Studies as an elective even if it kills me and if taking Intro to Mass Comm (I hate Mass Comm without a reason, I know evil me) means I'll have the chance (pre-requisite) then yes I will do it.

If I ever get my hands on All About Lily Chou Chou's poster, I will so paste it on the wall above my bed LOL.

I don't know about the rest of the world but I find Inception to be pretty straight forward (albeit several plotholes and all) but the music is epic. Some said that it has the same vibe like the music in The Dark Knight and Batman Begins but I never really watched the Batman movies more than once so I don't really pay attention at the music. Lux Aeterna is flawless though, being overused inside trailers and lame crappy TV series did not make me a happy fangirl.

I'm eating fried chicken bone right now. I bought it from the bazaar yesterday and may I add that the population of the people at the bazaar yesterday was beyond ridicolous. Nobody from my point of view were buying anything, they were just strolling around choking petite people like my siblings and me.

The things food do to people.

does not compute

2010-08-11T03:11:00.000-07:00

I was reading a young adult book quite dilligently when I came across the word hari kari and I was like NO it's hara kiri, threw the book away and never managed to finish it until today. Lol, such a fucking turn off when people can't just get the facts right. When in doubt, there is always GOOGLE.

I will love any person who buys me The Unabridged Journal of Sylvia Plath. Pretty please with a little cherry on top? 8D

My family is going all over the places this month (none which includes me, sad) and I am beyond pissed cause this is the month where family should stick together or maybe it's just me being butthurt over the fact that I can't follow them overseas. lol.

I'm hungry and that summarise me for this whole day and I miss that seafood restaurant we went three months ago in PD. Cheese butter prawns and squids *dies* kangkong belacan *dies again*

I just received Little Women (the movie). Heeee, be right back going to watch it 8D

the freedom of judging

2010-08-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

I used to love that Airplanes song by B.O.B feat Hayley Williams but everytime I hear it now I feel like chucking my radio far away from me. Enough is enough already with ~~*the shooting stars shooting stars shooting stars*~~.

Tim Burton's eerie (sort of) vibe has been a little off lately especially during the Alice In Wonderland film (battle scene is as cheesy as hell but I love the the story) however I love his drawings. Sooo I don't know endearing? Meh, I like morbid stuffs so probably that's why.

I love the movie Edward Scissorhands as a child. I wonder how will I feel when I watch it now. Vague memories include him puncturing the water bed and cutting old ladies' (or men?) hairs lolol.

And because you can't never have enough Cillian Murphy :)

quel est ce sentiment?

2010-08-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

“Why the hell are we conditioned into the smooth strawberry-and-cream Mother-Goose-world, Alice-in-Wonderland fable, only to be broken on the wheel as we grow older and become aware of ourselves as individuals with a dull responsibility in life?"

- Sylvia Plath (God, I love her)

The only reason I am tempted to join Tumblr these days is because they have gorgeous pictures of Yu Aoi and poetic screenshots of Shunji Iwai's film. I am ready to throw myself at her and him any second right now. LOL.

Reading people's review over how good the movies Bandage and One Milllion Yen Woman is breaking my heart literally. I mean I had the chance to go and watch the adorable Yu Aoi on the big screen but I let it passed by me.

People have been comparing Bandage with Almost Famous. Both are movies phenomenal in my opinion and are situated within it's own league (I haven't seen Bandage yet but I will one day even if it kills me).

Robert Pattinson has redeemed himself in my eyes cause I love him in the movie Remember Me. This is the type of movie he should be involved in once again my honest opinion. I just realised that movies have played a large role in my life lately (in another word o b s e s s e d). I finally get my hand on the Swedish vampire film Let The Right One In and to say the least I am EXCITED in watching it.

I also saw the trailer of Norwegian Wood yesterday. Hurm, I wonder how will turn out if Shunji Iwai directed it. Not that I have anything against Tran An-Hung but just wondering. Cinematography is beautiful though (judging from the trailer).

I remembered watching Capote and can't never take Phillip Seymour Hoffman seriously due to his tiny voice but hell that movie is one of the movies I'll never get tired off. Probably because of the chill I felt whenever I watched the ending scene.

Also I have nothing against Kristin Kreuk but after that disastrous Street Fighter movie I have never really seen her as a good actress (even during Smallville. lol, am I just bad or bad?). I heard that she will star in Shunji Iwai's latest film and I was like ehhhh Kristin Kreuk? Biar benar.

I read back all my past blog posts yesterday. Cringe and more cringe. I don't know what possessed me to not write the required capital letters (although i still do it sometimes hah!) or the unnecessary commas and fullstops and not to mention the bad grammar (which I am very bad at. the agony)

If you could do something else what would it be and why? A wife. Because I don’t need to prove anything. - Daul Kim (I love this answer and I have no idea why)

Parce que je n'ai pas besoin de prouver quelque chose. Maybe that's why.

I feel like watching Inception the third time tomorrow. Alone. Should I or should I?

change is good...

2010-08-01T10:15:00.001-07:00

cause change is bound to happen.

I got bored of my laptop and I had nothing to do the whole day so I went ahead and download some softwares for my lappy. Heheh, credits to the username koreans@livejournal for making the cute 2pm dock icons.

Yeah, I'm a huge fan of Daul Kim. Here's hoping that the dock won't cause lag in my lappy.

I have the biggest crush on Justin Long. I find him incredibly adorable :3 so when I found that he's dating Drew Barrymore I went all 'awwwww' XD cause that is such a cute couple.

Anyway... I actually find Stefan from Vampire Diaries hot lol. Damon is the popular one among Vampire Diaries fans but sarcastic, dark and sexy vampires do not thrill me anymore or turns me into a fangirl. I'm still trying to force myself to rewatch back the whole series cause despite the inducing boredom there are still some great and hilarious scenes.

One new wishlist: Older generation coupe cars. Chevrolet Impala, Corvette (DO WANT) or maybe Chevrolet Camaro. Ever since I watched Supernatural and saw Dean driving that sexy car, it has always been my dream car :3

13 August is coming nearer. I am freaking scared to say the least. *shudders*

And damn one or two tears slipped out of my eyes reading Naruto's latest chapter (the inner Naruto fangirl unleashed) Fuck, that is such a sad and beautiful chapter T_T

i don't even know why i want to update my blog when i have nothing else to write *facepalm*

oh well.

cold blue eyes

2010-07-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

I finally finished Vampire Diaries. Hurm, quite interesting as it reach the finale. But still it did not blow my mind away~ Inception is still my current obsession. And probably Cillian Murphy lol. Is it me or the actor who played as Damon Salvatore resembles Cillian Murphy? It's probably the blue eyes, dark hair and sharp bone structures.

Currently jamming to Lifehouse and Josh Kelley. Guys with husky voice has always been my weakness :')

When I was watching Romeo+Juliet and Titanic yesterday I could not help but compare Leo young and Leo old bahahaha. So different. and so bashfully boyband looking.

Holidays is killing me. I know how people always marvel at the fun of holidays but God I just hate holidays sometimes. I have done nothing productive at all aside from watching some good movies all week.

and I'm planning to buy 3 more books ohmy somebody slap me please. It sucks being a fast reader sometimes cause I can usually finished a book in one day. The only time it took more than three days are the Harry Potter series, The Catcher in The Rye and autobiography Wasted. By the time I finished reading, I'll be bored to death by the lack of no actions whatsoever.

Pan's Labyrinth is reducing me to tears by the sad and creepy vibe it's giving. Those poor faeries. I squirmed at the gore but because it is an amazing movie I forced myself to watch it. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

I finally watched A Tale of Two Sisters too. :'( So saaad and slooow. The cinematography was breathtaking though. It was quite heartbreaking and the acting was superb in my honest opinion.

those crinkled papers i wrote on bear more secrets about me than any other living person. i try to burn them, let the wind carry away the ash. all those secrets silently accessible to everyone yet everybody still remains clueless (i n v i s i b l e). but i can't. they hold so much meaning in my life. they represent my sanity. burning them means letting go of my only one pathway to sanity. i try to cry but no tears come out. a sign for me to move on and smile. but that screams out hypocrisy to me. cause deep down inside me, i was screaming for help. wallowing, kicking, throwing and shouting.

i'm waiting for a train...

2010-07-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

My sister forced me to watch Vampire Diaries and judging from the strong ratings and good looking people in it I expect to fall in love with it. I can't even reach until the fifth episode. So urm boring? I don't know, the only vampire movie I ever really like is Interview With The Vampire. Vampires have never been my fascination. Probably never will.

To Farhanah LOL, this is the books I want to sell. Anything just message me yes babe? lolol.

Stephenie Meyer - Eclipse and New Moon (each rm18)

Sarah Dessen - Lock & Key and That Summer (each rm15)

Gabrielle Zevin - Memoirs of A Teenage Amnesiac (rm18)

Arthur Miller - Death Of A Salesman (rm12)

Jane Harris - The Observation (rm12)

Elizabeth Scott - Perfect You and Bloom (each rm18)

Deb Caletti - Nature of Jade (rm15)

Reader Digest's Book Collection - A collection of Da Vinci Code, Up & Down in The Dalles, The Return of The Dancing Master and A Gathering Light in one book (rm15)

Goosebump (hahaha, ah childhood) - Revenge of The Lawman and Be Careful Of What You Wish (each rm3)

All books are in excellent condition except the Reader's Digest (the pages are weirdly a bit yellow but that's about it, it's hardbook btw) and yeah Goosebump.

If others are interested or want to ask any questions, just drop by a comment and typed in your email in it. I will email you about the details. Prices above exclude postage fee and posting are only within Malaysia. Serious buyers only.

i'm a person filled with many sins...

2010-07-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

and I am not proud of it. I hope for redemption every single day. Forgive me.

2010-07-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

I just finished Criminal Minds season 5 and ohmyGod was the season finale a cliffhanger or not. Damn, now I have to wait until 22nd September to wait for the sixth season. I just found out that JJ will leave Criminal Minds next season which really saddens me cause the characters in Criminal Minds are outstanding in their own role.

Some of the episodes are outstanding like the one involving the women who were turned to dolls and the abducted children taken care by whacked out psychotic old couple. The final episode was good to as it focus on the life of another police instead of the main characters. 2 more months to go before sixth season starts. It is a freaking torture.

the smoke from the cigarette spins above me. as if they linger around to wait for me, choking me and saying it's okay. you're home now. you're here and that is all that matters.

go watch Almost Famous, such a fun rock and roll movie.

speechless; shaking and crying

2010-07-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

Just watched Inception a couple of hours ago. MINDBLOWING. I always knew there is a reason why am I so fascinated with Cillian Murphy. My brother keep on saying his face resembles a psychopath; lol I'm amused and bemused at the same time. I feel like watching this movie the second time. The ending is kinda twisted though. Sad and confusing. But still awesome.

There. I update my blog just to write down how purely amazing Inception is. Go. Watch. It.

Off to listen Shinee's new album :D

i'm not thinking right here; forgive me

2010-07-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

Waiting for a freaking powerpoint presentation to be fully downloaded can be a pain in the ass especially when I am doing it at 6 am in the morning. Grr, I regret putting the printer in my room cause every single printing responsibility ends up upon me. Just fucking great.

Finished downloading the powerpoint and turns out I have to print 20 slides on 20 pages. Blooody hell? Waste of paper and iiiink. I do not like >:(

Anyway

I can't wait to see Cillian Murphy. My brother says his face looks perfect for a bad guy role. EHCUSEZ ME?? He is also perfect as a sexy bad guy role lolol. I heard that the movie Inception is very confusing but heck it is directed by Christopher Nolan so I'm sure everything will end sort of well.

I love the Airplanes song by Hayley plus that BoB dude but that rap part (ironically the main part of the song) needs to go far far away from my ears. Do not WANT.

I'm having a month semester break right now and my high school friends ~*rumouredly*~ plans to do a BBQ gathering at his place which is in Janda Baik. I have no idea whether it is true or not but if it is I am so totally going cause for the love of all cats and dogs in this world I need some fresh air. My college is surrounded by working people that the stress of them mixed with the stress of the students accumulate and starts to depress the hell out of me.

And lol, some English teacher just claimed that good literature came only from white men. O REALIIII?~~ Whatever happen to Sylvia Plath, Jane Austen, Natsuo Kirino and other women? And this coming from an English teacher. Ignorant and sexist. HUMPH!

Done printing and it is 6.10 am. Off to my lovely bed.

tell me something

2010-07-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

emotionally drained. everything stops. i wish time can crawl. if only i took the other road.

i am too much of a coward. i want/don't want attention. i hate/love being in the spotlight.

i pretend. being alone and cynical does not bother me. i'm happy. i laugh crazily. i mock popular things. i listen to nonsensical lyrics. i pretend.

i hate being ordered to believe this, read this, do this. let me make my own decisions.

i love the sound dry leaves make when i step on them. i love the smell of newly bought items.

blood tastes like rusty metal. i hate the sight of them. but sometimes they can be so pretty and so red.

i am scared at the thought of being dead. not knowing when it will come. if i ever make it to the age 60. surrounded by peoplewholoveme and actually knowme.

or if i might die in a car accident/warbrokeoutinmycountry/diefrombeingshot/.

i wish i own a journal. so that i can write my thoughts in them but my handwriting is too ugly and very dull (very the not artsy). i don't have camera to print pictures and staple them on it. my drawing skills is nowhere near beauty. so many imperfections to complete the only perfection i want.

the things i think whenever i read an emotionally draining book. i need to go and watch a comedy or read comments on livejournal communities.

i cry when i watch toy story 3 the second time.

i am not amused

2010-07-11T02:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, even Yu Aoi agrees with me.

Yesterday, while on the train it was raining heavily so the train stopped on the track. The sense of claustrophobic sloooowly kicks in. I was praying that please don't let it stop somewhere in the tunnel once it starts moving again. Alas, it stopped and I feel like fainting. Thank God the journey was smooth once it reached KLCC.

I am not amused with the marks I received for my quiz. I calculated it by myself and I totally deserve to get a higher mark than the one stated. Hope this matter can be finished quickly because I totally bombed the APA section of my exam. there goes my 10 marks~~~~~ *dies*

money is evil

2010-07-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

Lol, the moment I said I want to spend my money stuffs I end up loving comes out.

First, I just found an online website selling nice lomography cameras. Pretty cheap too. Then Yu Aoi released a really artsy and cute pop up book titled Uso (or lie in English). I want to buy The Journals of Sylvia Plath and Cobain Unseen. I'm planning on buying the Bandage dvd once it came out. I have not shop for months already. That's like a lot of money I am going to use.

and i just realised that the nearer an examination is coming, the more i feel like writing. which is unfair. a stress reliever perhaps?

i used to be that girl

2010-07-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Kurt Cobain

I was not really a fan of Nirvana. There are some really good songs but I am more intrigued by Kurt Cobain because his journals are very mesmering to read. Yes, I never face the hardships he had to face (parents' divorce, drugs and so on) but somehow or rather the way he pen down his thought draws me in. It was sad to see such a talented man like him to die just because he feels there is no way out.

Man can write and what he writes I can't help but fall in love with.

I wanted to buy Cobain Unseen another sort of biography/memoir of him but holy shit it's over RM100? That's like my weekly allowance. Ah, I seriously need a job. It's really frustrating that autobiographies and biographies in my country are pretty expensive (or maybe it is just the one I want. sucks.)

And Germany did not win. I was devastated. Cause I really want to see them in the finals. 4 years seems pretty far to me. A lot can happen in four years. I'm a little bit freaked out by that Paul the octopus. I mean can I stole him and ask him to choose my decisions for me? And if it ends up disastrous I can point all the faults on him and we can fry him, satay him, sushi him (whichever you like really).

I have the urge to spend. Is that bad? I'm planning on buying books to fill up my boredom when my semester break begins on the next Wednesday. My high school friends are having a BBQ reunion at Deena's house. Hurm. I should bring some coleslaw lol.

I used to be that girl who used to hate life so much. Who wonders what is the purpose of living. Under the persona of a bubbly and happy girl. Honestly, if I ever met the past of me right now I will seriously slap her and told her to suck it up. lol

My hair condition is so horrible right now. Terrible terrible. sigh.

Also, I'm a bit creeped out that most of the people I looked up upon ends up killing themselves. Sylvia Plath, Daul Kim, Kurt Cobain and several other Asian actors.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain

it's a miracle

2010-07-06T09:51:00.001-07:00

Two posts in one day? Lol, it is a miracle these days. But I guess after assignments deadline are over and I have been deprived from writing down anything for the past two weeks, my mood on blogging seems to be splurging.

Current music playlist

Fall Out Boy - America's Suiteheart (the only current song I love from them, so cute this song)

Taeyang Solar album

Justin Bieber feat Ludacris - Baby (told you I'm suck into the worldwide phenomenon)

Lifehouse - Smoke & Mirrors (Their past albums are waaay better in my opinion)

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon OST (epic music is epic)

Oldboy OST

Spirited's Away OST

Asian Kung Fu Generation - Solanin

Big Bang - Tell Me Goodbye and Haru Haru album

Wonder Girls - Two Different Tears

Have I mentioned that I love America's Suiteheart? It is so adorable.

I should go studying. First paper is on Saturday. SATURDAY?

And I heard they are remaking Teasing Kiss into a Korean version. Hurm, will it be disastrously addictive like BOF? I think sometimes the original drama is the best like My Girl (lee dong wook was mesmering in there in terms of look, acting errr quite okay).

I will be supporting Germany this Thursday. I can't believe I feel excited watching a 90 minutes football game since I'm easily bored lol.

how a second makes a difference

2010-07-06T02:56:00.000-07:00

I miss Daul Kim and her quirkiness. She's beautiful and she produced amazing photos.

10 Things I Hate About You. No matter how many other people seems to criticise it, I still love it with my utmost deepest heart. High school movies are indeed my guilty pleasures.

On another note, I am a little excited with the upcoming movie Inception because it has Ken Watanabe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Leonardo DiCaprio AND Cillian Murphy in it. Major fangirl moment over here *spazzzzzzzz*. It seems like talents overload in this movie (which I like). I hope it is a fantastic movie because action movies are not really my cup of tea. However, I'll let it pass since I have not seen Cillian Murphy act in a movie for a long time.

signing in has never been this complicated

2010-07-04T05:52:00.000-07:00

Internet withdrawal has not been my finest moment. I got hooked on football and fall in the worldwide obsession of Justin Bieber's "baby baby baby oooooo" and sleep like tomorrow is never coming.

Now that internet is back within my vision, two words = pure heaven. Although I am still addicted at football and "baby baby baby ooooo" hahaha. YES, I find Keisuke Honda, Frank Lampard and Miroslav Klose so hot and fine. Have you seen Honda's blonde hair, Lampard's body and Klose's charisma? *fans myself*

I just watched Harry Potter's latest trailer. Guess what, obviously I keep on replaying Draco Malfoy's part in the trailer which apparently shows him for only 0.001 second. Lol, what the fuck is that. I need some Draco Malfoy in my life cause yeah he got a soft spot in my heart. But epic trailer is epic. And Hermione and Ron looks good together. They are my one true pairing.

Like I said, I will spend hundreds on Big Bang cause they are so worth it.

And partly because I'm in love with this guy down here. Well hello there T.O.P :D

There are so many movies I want to watch this year not because I love them but because I just want to see it once and for all and omg be done with it.

The Last Song, The Last Airbender, Eclipse, Dear John, Harry Potter (THIS, I want to see), Narnia, Despicable Me and so on.

Sometimes I question whether my taste is very weird, flamboyant or just plain dull hahaha. I can't help it.

I suddenly feel like rewatching The Notebook again. Ryan Gosling. *faints*

And to think I used to watch him in that weird Atlantic High (is it?) tv show being a lovely idiot. Hahaha. Tears in my eyes remembering the past.

And yes, I know I should be crying when Andy departed from his toys but really I can't helped but feel a little bit creeped out seeing an eighteen/nineteen guy being so attached to his toys.

le fuuuuu my life

2010-06-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

French people curse elegantly. Instead of saying the fuck... they say le fuuuu. Kidding, I just made it up lol.

Here is an easy way to make some cream sauce with pasta.

If you are too lazy to cook real meat (like me) just fry some sausages and put them aside. Next, cut red onion and leek into pieces (duh), saute them in a pan then add some water. You can put in bay leaves (but I never bothered). Stir them until they boil. Then put in some chicken stock and whipping cream (or any cream is fine). Stir them again. Then put in some corn flour that is already mixed with water. Put in a little bit if black pepper if you want. Pour the cream over your pasta and sausages.

This has been my food for the past few days cause I am addicted to cream sauce pasta nyum nyum.

I want more pocket money. The current pocket money I receive does not allow me to buy extra books or clothes at ALL. Food around my college is freaking expensive. Or maybe I am the one splurging? Hurm. I really want to go shopping. Buy myself a new pair of jeans or maybe new tshirts.

at some point of times, i rather be thin and unhealthy rather than be chubby and healthy.

alas, food has always been my temptation lol.

I am watching toy story 3 with my brother this Monday. I heard that Totoro make a cameo in there. DO WANT. Anything by Studio Ghibli could go no wrong in my book.

Guess what I'm reading? Fanfictions about Draco Malfoy... AGAIN. I swear I have an unhealthy obsession with this guy. Too bad, J.K Rowling did not developed Malfoy's character further. There is so much to write about him. His redemption, his acceptance, him moving on and so on.

Beach in Port Dickson was not exactly mesmering but I finally get to mark something on the sand, waiting for it to be eroded by the incoming tide at night. I love dark stuffs like this. And yes, I love T.O.P (celebrity-wise).

I'd spent hundreds on Big Bang just because they are worth it.

it is an outrage

2010-06-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to get ready to go to college and attend my experiment but I am soooo so lazy cause friday is suppose to be my day off. I've been so busy the whole week doing assignments that I haven't had any life lately.

One thing about me, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee do not interupt my sleep time. Somebody called me while I was asleep and bombarded me with complicated questions. I feel like I want to slap someone. I think I screamed a bit at the person but whatever the person should know that my sleep time shouldn't be bothered unless it has something to do with me or something important.

My mum seeing me awake talking on the phone started talking to me non stop . I was like -__-. zzzzzzzzzzz

I should get ready. Like right now.

coughing and sniffing

2010-06-20T02:02:00.000-07:00

I was scarred for life watching about parasitic documentary on Animal Planet yesterday. I will never ever look at flattened spaghetti in the same light again. I am very phobic against things like (I can't even type it) w...... worms. *shudders!* So watching it yesterday was pretty much like watching a horror slash gore movie. Squirming on the sofa and shrieking. I am embarrassed of myself.

Doing my research proposal sucks half out of my soul. I mean, a girl has a limit when it comes to reading past research journal articles and theories written in very small font. What's with the small fonts huh? To appear more sophisticated is it? Cause it is killing my eyesight.

I am somehow sick. No idea how. I got to study for a test tomorrow and my condition right now is not permitting me huh.

I haven't watched yet Toy Story 3. I KNOW? Lame right? Whatever, I am very busy right now until the end of July. So cut me some slack people. Besides the nearest cinema is like 5 minutes from my house. All I have to do is put on some lame tshirt and force my sibling to drive me there.

Okay, time for some emotional insights.

There were some moments where I always have to be the standing pillar of some issues. I don't like it cause there are so fucking many stuffs going around my head. Money, assignments, PSY105, finals. I mean, I don't mind doing it if I am the ONLY person capable of doing it. There are others who can do it. So why for God sake don't you ask the others.

One more things, don't ever assume that it is easy studying in the present. Cause you are not in my situation. I get that you graduated and worked. So? That was ages ago. Time pass and stories like that irks me.

And stop comparing me with other excellent students all over the country. I am not them and I will never be them.

Fuh, how's that for an outburst rant?

deadline and procrastination kicking in

2010-06-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

I have two major assignments to turn in next week. I haven't even got a clue on how to start it. It looks like I have to burn the midnight oil or something.

I have a feeling that I am going to cry when I watch Toy Story 3 next week. Cause the first two reminds me of my childhood and this third basically means it is time for me to let go. Subtle hints like this crushes my heart every single time.

I am in the mood for the Swedish vampire film called Let The Right One In. The trailer seems so tragic yet poetically stimulating. Watching films from all over the world sometimes make me think that Hollywood is a bit overrated. It is good yes. But the recyled materials, cliche storylines and glamorous lifestyle can be a burden occasionally.

You may think that I am very picky with my movies and honestly I do feel that it takes more than witty dialogues or action packed scenes to make me interested. Like I said, I easily get bored so I even can feel sleepy while watching an epic movie (I slept my way through King Kong. Waste of money.)

Sometimes though, corny dramas and movies still draws me in. You wouldn't believe how I am still obsessed over the typical japanese dramas stories just because.... just. Well, I am a bit biased when it comes to japanese dramas although there are just dramas that make me go what the hell (like Shuffle or Princess Princess D) DON'T get me started on the ridicolousness of Princess Princess D. Please.

I need the latest season of Criminal Minds. I saw the set at a dvd shop this evening. Should I wait for my dad? I should right cause then I don't have to buy the dvd using my money lol.

I love these two guys. Bromance beyond epic

Shunji Iwai's latest film will star Kevin Zegers (the guy who did drug dealing with Jenny in Gossip Girl). I don't know much of the details of the movie but I think it will be called Vampire. He will also produce the soundtrack for the movie. Judging by the haunting melodies he did in All About Lily Chou Chou and heartwrenching sweet tunes of Love Letter and Hana & Alice, I think and hope it will turn out amazing.

seafood, nyum nyum

2010-06-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Port Dickson. Too bad cause I really felt at ease staying there. The swimming pool, the beach, the environment, the room, the food; everything were awesome.

Got to hang out with my siblings. Who brings out the comedy side of me. It was fun and great. I enjoy it.

And the FOOOD! Oh my God the food! Marvelous! We ate at a seafood restaurant fifteen minutes away from our resort. The butter prawn and the cheese butter squid were ahmazing. I'm practically droooling right now remembering back the taste of the fresh seafood. Eating those while facing the beach (which is quite urm not picturesque but still a beach) was just perfect.

anyway...

I'm on bed surfing the Internet. Seriously, I'm all panic right now cause one of the experiments I joined to fulfill my 2% marks for this semester was cancelled. I have to join another experiment but it is pretty tough to join right now cause the competition is pretty tough. Sigh.

Oh wait, I just found the perfect experiment. Yes. I'm back on the game.

And honestly, some people exist to just piss you off. I can't believe people who I don't even know can cause my blood rate to shot up this high. I mean, you people keep on hating those Korean idols (critising) and then calling other people who defended them or take drastic measures as racist or blablabla while 'claiming' you are not being judgemental at all.

Total bullshit.

*rewinding back my stressless weekend in PD*

what is this fuckery?

2010-06-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

There is something wrong with my computer. I can't play TWO of my favourite videos. Probably due to all to software downloads I always update/download. I can't help it! I am addicted to software downloads. Lol, subbing videos, converting videos. I like~~

But it is screwing up my laptop. I think. I don't want this laptop to die on me cause despite its enormous size (which I love, good for movie viewings) and laggings, it has served me well.

but i hate slow computers. i always have this urge to throw slow laptops/computers against the wall. i never do it physically though, just mentally. terlebih kaya la kan kalau nak campak komputer kat dinding.

I just cooked Alfredo Pasta just now cause... I don't know why. I just felt like cooking.

I feel like buying books. I feel like shopping. I feel like eating delicious food. But judging at the amount of money I have in my wallet right now, reality is too cruel for me to type out the exact amount :'(

Bandage dvd! When the hell are you going to come out. I heard that the kiss between Jin and the lead actress is sexay! That, I need to see.

Two assignments still left in the dust. Short sem is cool but soul sucking at the same time.

Watching Killers tomorrow. I never really cared about Ashton Kutcher or Katherine Heigl so I don't really have high expectations about the movie.

Finishing my short sem this mid July. Still haven't found a house near my college and I want to finish my driving license as soon as possible cause my mum is driving me crazy with her questions. Oh yeah, the braces! I want to get the braces off my freaking teeth. A girl can have something stuck on her teeth for only an amount of time ya know? (yes, I know it did not make any sense at all)

walking through bookstores like kinokuniya and borders. where the silence was like a drug i am obsessed with. i feel like opening a bookstore myself. lol.

i never know moving on can be this painful

2010-06-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

I just had a very bad week. Probably the worst in my entire life. But I am trying to put it past me because I just can't stop crying. I'm afraid I'm going to be blind by tomorrow if I will not stop lol.

But it is so hard....

it felt like a slap towards my face. as if i don't need anymore troubles or problems in my life right now.

What really cheers me up (a bit) is when I found out that there will be a Japanese Film Festival 2010 held at GSC. There are two movies that I want to watch. One is called One Million Yen Woman and the other is 5 Centimeters Per Second.

One Million Yen Woman because it has OMG Yu Aoi in there. Any movies starring her so far is pure genius. This one should not be an exception.

I watched the trailer of 5 Centimeters Per Second on Youtube. It is an anime and it has one of the greatest visual background I have ever seen. Others include animations by Hayao Miyazaki.

And I read the synopsis in Wikipedia cause yeah I LOVE spoilers lol.

OMG, it is sad. Just perfect for me to watch cause I'm in the mood to watch some tearjerker movies.

freaking gorgeous

Anyway, I'm wallowing myself in self-pity by listening to Salyu's All About Lily Chou Chou album. I mean, this is the perfect album for anyone who wants to be mellowed in such pure ethereal (is that a word) voice. Huge sigh.

And just because Yu Aoi has this calming effect using her smile. Can't wait to see her movie if I ever make it to GSC.

a pretty crappy and happy day

2010-05-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

I just had a pretty crappy day. Well a happy day too.

First, I entered the class like 30 minutes before the lecturer entered and the front and middle seat were full already. Like what the hell? So I sat like reaaaaaaaaallllly back with my other friends. The lecturer did not use the microphone so her voice was so hard to listen and pay attention to. I almost fucking gave up. But then she gave us two quizzes. She has my full attention now.

Then some I have no idea who forgot to silent his or her freaking phone so everybody including duh the lecturer heard it. So she gave us another freaking quiz containing topics she never taught us yet. I was like... 'fuck my life man'

So when Yuyu asked whether I want to go out with her I said sure why not cause I really need to forget the stress and the horror of the the third quiz. We sent Farhanah to BSC cause she parked her car there and Yuyu showed me the way to go back to KL using DUKE highway. MY GOD! It's that near? Talk about being ignorant lol.

We went to KLCC and watched The Bounty Hunter. It was funny and not boring at all. I enjoyed it. Then we went to eat at the food court where a guy suddenly introduced himself as the manager of Metrojaya and want to sit at the same table with us even when there are like gazillion of empty tables around us. I said to him we want to eat alone and I think he got the message and therefore left us alone. Thank God.

LOL, from there Yuyu and me made up some crazy conversations to try and scare him in case he comes back. One which includes "Abang saya seorang polis, semalam dia patahkan telinga orang". HAHAHAHAAHHAH, we burst out laughing like maniacs. Cause who the hell gets intimidated by a broken ear right? But honestly, I can tell you that it freaking hurts.

I enjoyed the outing with her. We planned on watching movies together next week with the rest of our classmates. Especially after the test our lecturer will give us next week @_@

Yuyu sent me home (thank you & love you babe) and that's when my mood changes 360 degree. Cause I just found out something that really frightens me and also pisses me off.

I don't know the whole story yet but I can sense something bad is the outcome of the whole thing. It doesn't concern about me but someone I really really really care about.

So it starts crappy, went happy for a while and ends crappy. Not my day today.

I just wish I can talk to someone about it.

Which reminds me, tomorrow I'm going to Diyanah's house for some ghost movie marathon.

Oh my God. I'm dead even before the ghost appears. That's for sure.

2010-05-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

I easily gets distracted. I easily get bored. I easily changes my mood. So, the lecture I attend just now bored me to death. So if I am bored to death, I doodle and write nonsense (or sesnsible) stuffs on blank/lined papers. But honestly I feel like dying from boredom. Can you die from boredom? If no, then I will be the first one to. I mean I even get bored in the middle of an action movie or concert.

I don't see what is the big deal with eating, shopping or watching cinemas alone. I mean I have eaten alone, I have shopped alone and I have watched cinemas alone. Honestly, nak tunggu orang ajal sampai baru dapat. So I might as well do these stuffs all by myself. But honestly you don't have to call these people who sometimes enjoy doing these things alone loser. Cause yeah it didn't make sense. You accomplished something while doing these activities so you're not a exactly a loser right? Just saying...

This mamat Jepun over here is married. Already have a child also. I haven't seen him in any movies lately. Tolonglah, sila berlakon.

Btw, my sister just asked me "Kenapa bomoh tak pernah cuba bomoh Brad Pitt atau Donald Trump jatuh cinta dengan diorang?"

Jawab jawab jangan tak jawab.

the truth about living

2010-05-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

My classes are kind of awesome for this semester. I only have a one 3 hour class from Monday to Thursday and no classes on Friday at all. None which starts at 8 o'clock in the morning. AWESOME can't even describe my timetable. Of course, it's a short semester so everything seems rad.

The friends I met in university have been talking about finding a house near HELP cause when the long semester starts that is when the real nightmare starts. The constant flow of assignments, the number of credit hours and tutorials. Shudders.

Lectures are pretty cool. Simple, straightforward and funny. I like.

Public transport can sometimes be a nightmare. Especially during peak hours so I really really really wants to start driving but I can't cause I obviously haven't taken my driving test yet.

Now that my sister is back for her semester break she has been using the Internet towards the maximum usage. Watching dramas online crazy, opening Restaurant City and Pet Society and downloading nonsense stuff. Sigh, she has to be reminded that the internet speed at her house is slow compared to the one she had in her rented house.

I might not update for quite a while cause I am really not in the mood to write when I there is so much things on my mind lately. Wait, scratch that. I write, only not on this blog. Somewhere else on my notebooks, yes. Cause writing is essential in my life.

making things any better

2010-05-14T06:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Which sucks cause if I can't make it to the first day of my class this Monday; I am freaking dead. I heard the lecturer for this subject is very strict and I really really do not want to get on the bad side of her even before we started learning.

I'm sick. I can still walk around the house like a normal person but my constant sneeze has made me accidentaly bit my own tongue which of course fucking hurts. A towel right now is my close companion. No idea whether I can go to the dentist tomorrow knowing that I might end up sneezing at the dentist all the time. Sigh.

I watched a movie starring James McAvoy and Keira Knightley titled Atonement. Pretty tragic. It is a beautiful movie. I regret deleting it from my laptop :( Also, Saoirse Ronan is spectacular in the movie. I'm in love with her blue eyes.

So pretty I can't even.... anyway below this is a normal teenageish picture of her cause yeah she is still young. Don't remember her age.

But Yu Aoi is still my girl and jam.

Planning on reading the book version of Atonement after this.

As planned, after orientation finished yesterday I dropped by Pasar Seni to get my monthly public transport pass done and later headed towards KLCC to check out some books in Kinokuniya. No books that caught my interest, I am really interested right now in reading books written in the style like You Remind Of You. It's raw and it felt real.

I recently bought a pair of Converse. Totally loving it right now. My sister is going to scream at me when she gets back home cause I already have like 8 pairs of shoes (although I always wear like only 4 of them).

Oh yes, I have to do 3 free electives for my first year and I am planning on taking Intro to Sociology, Intro to Anthropology and Intro to Film. But to take Intro to Film, one of the prerequisite is to take Intro to Mass Comm. Mass Comm? I'm really not interested in Mass Comm but I am really really interested in films so yeah a sacrifice is needed.

I'm hungry. My father just gave me three big pills to swallow. Cringe people cringe.

Besides being obsessed with Kara, Shinee and f(x), Perfume has caught my attention. Their song Polyrythmm is just too catchy too ignore..

poly poly poly poly

2010-05-12T04:05:00.000-07:00

As long as there's such a thing as time, everybody's damaged in the end, changed into something else. It always happens, sooner or later.

Argh, I can't repeat how many times I love the quote written above Haruki Murakami. Cause it is true. People change. I realise that immediately after high school ends. As one by one is sucked into different systems, different social lives and different understanding. Only time will tell.

While waiting for my mum to come and pick me up, I went to Starbucks cause I am dying for the delicious vanilla frapuccino Starbucks made. Delicious. At the same time, I read the poetry book titled You Remind Me of You written by Eireann Corrigan. Honestly, that book will never ever bore me to death. One of the books I will preciously treasure to death cause it is such a rare find.
It was hidden among the stacks of many books and even have a 30 percent discount on it even when the original price is pretty cheap. The condition of the book is pretty old but I will live. I am now interested in reading books published by the publisher Push.

I'm in the mood to go to KLCC tomorrow after college finishes to drop by Kinokuniya. I need my monthly spiritual connection with the bookstore. haha. I'm feeling morbid right now (which I like, cause I like dark stuffs) but every single sentence I wrote screams BUBBLY! Pretty funny and frustrating.

I'm loving the timetable of my college right now. I have no classes on Friday at all which means I am free to go to PD next month. Yesza.

Super Junior's new song is ridicolusly addictive. My bias Donghae looks good in the music video. sigh

exhausted beyond words

2010-05-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

why so sexy? sigh

I just baked 500 bread puddings yesterday. I was awake for 2 days. The first day I finished the whole second season of Criminal Minds. Second day, I watched one episode of season three and then helped my mum bake 500 puddings. I can feel insanity seeping inside me.

Megaupload has been an ass lately but today it is incredibly fast. I love you Megaupload :) Of course, the speed can't be compared to the one my sister had in her rented apartment. She took the 4mbps connection and only download a music video of 100mb for 15 minutes.

OH MY GOD. I am jealous beyond words. But I have feeling my parents will say no for me to install the 4mbps connection cause of the freaking expensive price :( Huge bummer.

I am listening to Lifehouse's songs non stop. Ah~ his voice is soothing. Especially when he sang in the song Broken.

I am tempted to buy LG's Lollipop mobile phone or a Motorola flip phone cause I am that in love with flip phones.

Current Kpop obsession right now belongs to Shinee, Kara and f(x)'s new single titled Nu ABO. f(x)'s hairs are ridicolous though. Love the part when Amber sang/rap (pick whatever you like) "I'm in the trance". Fierce.

The fish eye font sucks. It was suppose to have the word peace and love in it. But none came out obviously. Damnit!

i don't even...

2010-05-02T02:21:00.000-07:00

The most funniest and horrifying thing I have ever seen? The book titled Audition by Ryu Murakami displayed on the children section in a bookstore.

Cause that is in the way the last book a parent would want their children to read. Yeah sure it has that cutie anime-ish look on the book cover. But beneath that lies a gruesome literature.

Went to Pavillion today. The hoodie I want has dissapeared :( I am depressed. It has Bart Simpson's daughter on it. So cute I tell you.

But I found the dream shirt I've wanted ever since I saw Arashi wearing it. And I didn't buy it. Oh shoot me will you?

I want a dark colour converse to wear to class. Comfortable, simple and if it is dirty people won't notice cause it's dark in colour. Unlike my current white converse T_T

Everyone in my house are right now obsessed with Ip Man. I don't even... I had the movie but deleted it cause martial arts ain't my thing. Yeah... tell that to my red Taekwando belt. Just one more freaking test to get the black test.

It didn't happen obviously.

I've subbed a few days ago and the software totally screws up my videos. I can't play srt files which is a disaster cause most of my dramas, movies and music videos are subtitled and I don't understand their language. I felt like I'm going insane.

Luckily one of my friends helped me solve the problem and I'm now cheerful again XD

My dad just bought the complete season 1 to 4 Criminal Minds. He brought it to his workplace. I'm gonna ask him for the first season just so I can watch Reid Spencer (that sexy nerd lol)

jamming spice girls? oh yeaaaaah..

2010-04-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

I am a huge fan of the 90's music. People call them teenyboppers music? I love N'sync, Spice Girls, The Hansons, Westlife and so on. Even the movies in the 90's were awesome. The fashion though? Now that's another different story. I am glad whenever my mum took my pictures when I was young I always ended up wearing dresses. Not weird baggy jeans or oversized Sailor Moon tshirts. *facepalm*

The 90's fashion is a disaster in my honest opinion. Or maybe it is just in my country lol.

I am really into editing photos lately. Despite the lack of photoshop (fml) in my laptop but I'll live with what Photoscape and Photostudio 5.5 can offer me.

I'm in the mood for some Cabonara pasta. The one I ate at Italiannes was meh. Mediocre at its best. I seriously need to remember the recipe my brother gave to me. His was mind blowing.

College is starting soon and looks like I'll be travelling. I prefer staying out my house because I have more freedom and all but whatever I've been living under this house for fifteen years. I'm sure another 3 or 4 years wouldn't kill me.

Excited. Yet nervous. Cause who wouldn't be nervous and excited on their first day right?

I've entered Livejournal and I'm loving it so far :)

I have decided to stop feeling so insecure about myself cause I realise that it will bring me nothing but more suffering. Another is because I deal with a lot of people who suffers from insecurity and it is starting to rub me in the wrong way. :\

It made me realise how other people can be annoyed whenever I am expressing my insecurity.

I mean, these are people with pretty much a good life I guess. Good relationship with family, have a caring boyfriend, academically successful but yet moans about typical issues. Yeah, I get it. Everybody has problems. Nobody is perfect. Even I cries over small what the hell issues like all the time.

However, when there are people out there that have to worry about whether they are going to live the next day or how to eat for dinner tonight or even sexually abused to the point of insanity, the least people can do is to stop for a moment and be thankful that nothing excruatingly bad are happening to them. Of course, that includes me. I guess I wrote this as a reminder for me whenever I read back my past posts in the future.

I don't know how to paraphrase the words I wrote above to make it seems less ignorant, arrogant or selfish. It is my blog by the way. A place for me to vent and rant.

Believing it, hating it and liking it are all up to people in the end. This is from my point of view. Pardon for the bad grammar. I have always sucked at grammar. Sad :'(

I'm getting good at cooking by the way. My grandmother would be so proud of me XD

i hate the colour white

2010-04-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

My room is so messy that a cleanaholic would probably died just seeing it. When motivation is not prioritise, all ends up in the gutter. Smelling foul.

I have never felt this lonely. Or scared. Or hopeless.

Confined to such a huge space. All I see is white. Reminds me of a lunatic house. I hate white. It symbolises purity and pure I am not.

sigh.

I would like to realm in the fantasies or dreams I made up once in a while. Just to see what is so great about reality. woah, that's emo man.

i'm losing my sanity.

To make my post less dramatic here are some stills from the movie Norwegian Wood.

I'm in the mood some for green tea frapuccino. nyum nyum.

the first step is the scariest

2010-04-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

I just installed some cool kick ass fonts on my computer. Lol, I am not excited. Cause lately I rarely feel excited.

I am not you. You are not me.
Sometimes I wish I was someone else.
In the end though.
It is me who I appreciated.

I am going to watch Kick Ass tomorrow.
Not excited.

Told you I'm not excited.
I'm not even excited updating this blog.

lol
i'm scared out of my wits.

arashi arashi for you :D

2010-04-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

In times when my life seems so bleak and pathetic, these five people have never ever fail to put a smile on my face. Especially Sho Sakurai. Just watching their dorky attitudes on Youtube is enough to brighten me up.

I don't know why but right now I'm missing my hostel in Sunway. Despite the speed of the interent was slowly killing my sanity but my roommates are the bomb when it comes to videos and jokes. Lol, they are a fun bunch of people to hang out with.

There are four of us. One was a Korean fan like I am. One was an Arashi fan like I am. Another was a Gossip Girl fan like I am.

It's like a match made in heaven I tell you! Plus the room was huge for one person to sleep in. Having them around make me feel secured ;P

I just discovered Asian KungFu Generation. Their single Solanin is used in the latest Japanese movie titled 'Solanin' (duh...) starring Aoi Miyazaki. I don't know the lead guy but the trailer seems so exciting. I love the Solanin single. The early parts of the song was the best. The strumming of the guitar really brings up the mood.

I watched a movie and a Japanese drama yesterday.

I watched only the first cd of Welcome To The Quiet Room. Yu Aoi in there is amazing. There is something about her that just draws me in. Her snowy pale skin? Her haunting acting skills? I have no idea. She is rumoured to be reunited with Shunji Iwai in his latest movie about vampire. Sure I don't like vampire movies but Yu Aoi is in it? Hell yeah!!!

Back to the movie, it was a pretty funny movie. It's about a women who overdosed and end up in the psychiatric ward. Her fiance was the funniest in the movie. I couldn't stop laughing watching his scenes.

Japanese drama; Love Shuffle is boring for me. I don't know why some people love it. Tamaki Hiroshi was such a loser and desperate in the drama. If I was his ex girlfriend I would slap him into oblivion and tell him to MAN up for God sake.

The only reason I keep on watching is because of Shota Matsuda's storyline. That girl that gets to be his lover is soooo lucky I tell you. I mean, she gets to LICK him. lick him lick him lick him. damn you lucky girl!

Good Japanese rock bands I listen to these days:
- Remioromen (thank you One Litre of Tears for introducing them to me)
- Asian KungFu Generation
- UVERworld
- Gazette (visual kei; these guys are far prettier than women damnit!)

oh kafka on the shore.

2010-04-05T10:44:00.000-07:00

"Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart."

"As long as there's such a thing as time, everybody's damaged in the end, changed into something else. It always happens, sooner or later."

Quotes by Haruki Murakami - Kafka On The Shore

I enjoy watching Criminal Minds. The team's dynamic, the engaging storyline, the stellar casting. How could you not love Criminal Minds?

All We Are by OneRepublic never managed to bore me to tears no matter how many time I listen to it. So is Lies by Big Bang.

Nothing exciting has been happening in my life lately. Day by day... Salyu's voice has been haunting my mind. I have the urge to rewatch All About Lily Chou Chou again.

My sister is crying while watching Graveyard of The Fireflies. It is indeed a sad movie. The anti-war elemnet instilled in it has never been so profound and loud. And this comes from an animation. Whoever says animations are for children need to take back their words.

I finally know how to play the music videos I put in my mobile phone. Double hurray for me. After so long... I am at ease.

Yet my life at some point of times seems so contradictory.

Caught it using my sister's DSLR a long time ago. Sunlight.... reminds me of the sparkling vampires. Theoretically sounds good on paper but once put on practice (aka movie) turns out hilariously corny. Cheeeesy too.

you are my heartbreaker

2010-03-30T03:37:00.000-07:00

THIS.

I want

Flo-rida and G-Dragon's Heartbreaker = EPIC

anyway....

Laugh at me all you want but I have never exactly heard the latest craze Justin Bieber's songs. At all. Not even a second of it. Some people I know hate him to the deepest core or love him so much that they seem to be willing to kiss on the floor he walks upon.

Out of curiousity I went to Youtube to listen to his song. When I listened to it I was like "Damn, a girl's voice. I must have clicked on the wrong link and blablabla"

But then I read the comments stating that Justin Bieber's voice was high pitched and all.

And I was like O_O

That's actually his voice?!?!?! FOR REAL???

Wonders will never cease. Although I have to admit that One Less Lonely Girl is a catchy song.

In terms of looks and all.... Let's just say I have my Koreans and Japanese boys to accompany my lonely life so fangirls of Justin Bieber don't have to worry about me going OMG I AM SOOOOO GONNA MARRY HIM or KIDNAP HIM!!!!

Once again Flo-Rida & G-Dragon's Heartbreaker...

epic. is there a word better than these two collaboration?

another day passed by.

2010-03-26T08:16:00.001-07:00

Sebenarnya hari ini saya ingat nak ajak seorang mak cik oh tidak salah seorang nenek bernama Nabila Suraya ke KLCC untuk tengok filem Remember Me jadi dengan gembiranya saya set alarm clock saya awal. Tetapi, bila telefon saya berdering suruh saya bangun.... I ignore it.

The next thing I know when I wake up, it's 3 in the evening.

EPIC FAIL!

I desperately need to go to KLCC cause I am in my Haruki Murakami obsessed phase right now. I need to breath in the smell of Kinokuniya and bask myself in there.

Holidays have fucked me up well.

Oh yes.

Muka sesengal macam ini harus dan wajib ditampar.

sometimes, silence is all i need.

2010-03-25T11:46:00.000-07:00

I have been away for quite a while. Other than updating myself with Gossip Girl, Japanese dramas, Korean dramas and animes I have indulged myself reading books by Haruki Murakami.

I'm pretty much in an emotional catharsis. God, I love the word catharsis.

Japanese dramas. Oh my Kame, can Yamato Nadeshiko be any cheesier? Yet...yet I still religously watched every episode until it reached the end. Uchi Hiroki is the bomb in there. He reminds me of Yung JongHwa in the Korean drama You're Beautiful.

There are many hilarious moments in there but I couldn't help cringing or fast forwarding scenes where the main actress groaned like someone's choking her or when corny jokes start to appear out of nowhere.

Yet...

What is it with me and the addiction I have towards Japanese drama?

Korean dramas. Chuno bores me as it almost reach the end. Just when I thought I can appreciate historical dramas. Oh well, there is always a next time (eh... maybe not)

Gossip Girl. Blair, please do something exciting. And that does not include your social climbing in NYU or being by Chuck's side who's dealing with his mommy issues. Serena and Nate... meh.

Haruki Murakami. You are amazing. Thank you for writing.

I used to hate hanging around bookshops. However, Kafka On The Shore and Whip It breaks the resentment.

It still doesn't beat the feeling of snuggling in my bed under the cool air (courtesy of air-con) while flipping through the pages of newly bought books though. That is ether.

TOKYO Wait for me I'm coming

P/S I'm getting a new haircut

PP/S It's not that I dont believe in love, it's just I am comfortable with the way I am right now

the 162th post

2010-03-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Wallflower to me is a beautiful word despite its meaning.

wallflower
wall flower
w a l l f l o w e r

I'm dissatisfied with what I've seen and heard lately. Too much for me to comprehend.

I care because I care damnit! Is that so hard to understand?

and there you were smiling at me
while i was laughed at by backstabbers
water scalding down my back
humiliation is not even an understatement
i though we were best friend
i admit
it was my mistake
hate me all you want
just don't smile at me anymore
it hurts

attempt at writing; pretty ugly words up there. oh well...

I seriously wants to move to LiveJournal. So tempting.

I want him too

not so bad photo editing eh? lol

freaking unbeliavable

2010-03-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

So... Super Junior came for the concert last Saturday and I didn't go. Haha, I feel like shooting myself right now. Even my friend who was not a fan of them enjoyed the freaking concert. Is there C4 anywhere for me to blow myself off T_T

It's okay... Big Bang is still the one in my heart. No matter how much I obsessed over other groups and artists, in the end I will still fall back to Big Bang.

I am THAT loyal.

So I have Photoscape and it was a fun photo editing software. Photoshop is much better of course but I will live with what I have right now. I will show my editing later on. I'm tracking back all the pictures in my laptop. It's all over the place.

one fact about me: i get mad and annoyed easily but i'll be happy back in less than 30 minutes.

I find being mad at people too tiring and waste of energy.

wait for my epic photo editing skills next post. lol, kidding... i suck at photo editing.

p/s i love livejournal's format of blogging. but it is so damn complicated like tumblr i give up and stick with blogspot. i wish wasn't stupid when it comes to computer.

Like I said though, technology has something agaisnt me.

try to follow me

2010-03-12T08:32:00.000-08:00

LIFE was a really good japanese drama. I finished the whole series in just three days (i have no life lately) and actually shed tears beause it is just sad. The drama is about high school bullying. If you think you have it tough during your high school years wait until you see this drama.

The thing is, I am not angry at the one who bullies. Maybe cause she's damn pretty or whatever. I am more mad at the school for doing nothing cause the bullier (i don't know is that the right word or not. malas nak google) has an influential position within the school and therefore they are too afraid to fight against her.

The mother of the person who got bullied also pisses me off but redeems herself starting the middle of the drama. It's a good drama.

It also highlights that bullying is a neverending cycle. That is sad and horrifying. Most people bully the rest until it is too late.

And when it is too late; all that is left is to be forgiven or not. Redemption or not.

Went to my high school's sport day last Saturday cause I'm so bored sitting at home. Major bummer. A freaking letdown. Don't know why I bothered to go there. In the end, I managed to get myself being judged by the people there. Whatever. I don't give a damn.

May, please come sooner. I need to learn. ASAP before my brain starts to rust or something.

A freaking funny incident happened though. Nabila was supposed to go the sport's day to see his brother. In the end, that didn't happen. So Aniqah and I walked around UIA cause we're bored out of our mind and rested at a bus stop.

We saw a stranded car and were like "Oh man, look at those poor people stuck with rosak car" and walked back to the event.

Some time later, I got a message from Nabila saying her car's broke down near the stadium.

Okay I know I'm evil but I laughed like hard cause WOW, irony much? The car we pitied at turned out to be her car.

So we took her from the point her car broke down and walked to the event back. There, we took Ehsan's camera and played around with it.

The pictures in Facebook and I'm such a lazy and lousy uploader.

bosan dan panas.

food is deliciously sinful

2010-03-05T04:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be the day. D-Day. My sister's boyfriend's parents are coming to our house for God knows why and have dinner with us. Who'll end up having to wash the dishes? Set the tables? Clean up the mess? Me. Not good. Not good at all. But they're discussing something regarding the marriage I think so hurm... I'll let it go for one day.

Right now I will love anyone who buys this for me even if it is not my birthday.

MixStyle Headphone

I admit I'm a headphone junkie. So I fell in love with it the first moment I saw it. Besides it originates from Japan :)

This hoodie below here too is a must and to die for.

Why? Duh, cause GD wore it lah.
I will work very hard to actually travel to Japan and South Korea. I don't care. I want to go there at least once. Then I feel like one of my goals in life has been achieved.

I just ate Domino's delicious extra cheese pepperoni pizza together with the banana kaya dessert. I'm in a pure bliss state of mind.

stomped by the giants.

2010-03-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

One of the songs that's good in Kpop recently is Just Before Shock by Beast. Too bad it's an intro therefore only 2 minutes long. I like the way how the melodies of the piano blend in with the R&B vibe.

Lately, comments filled with sarcasm followed a farking :) deathly annoys me.

Sumpah kalau ada virtual slap I'm all for it.

I was eating a freaking spaghetti yesterday when a fly landed on it and decided to die right in my food. Fark you fly. That thing cost me RM10 and it's nowhere near empty.

ECU accepts my application. I'm on cloud nine.

I'm getting better at cooking. That's a plus for staying at home.

Alice In Wonderland coming out next week. I'm planning on watching the 3D one I don't care. Who's free?

:D

be still, my beating heart.

2010-02-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

Fuck, I lost the whole collection of my beloved Fear Street books. I am going crazy. Those books are hard to get especially in Malaysia.

Lately, I'm in no mood to write cause even if the day starts off good, in the end it always turn out bad. So my mood goes down and I don't have the motivation to farking write.

Percy Jackson was mediocre. I expected something awesome from the guy who directed the first Harry Potter movie. Nope. Just okay. Nothing more than that.

Alice in the Wonderland is coming out next two weeks. Watching it in 3D. Nothing's going to stop me from watching Johnny Depp and Alan Rickman. Them both = Pure bliss.

So I applied for HELP. Might get the offer letter next week. The person from HELP called me while I was sleeping. She asked me whether I want the offer letter to be post to me or I'll pick it up from the main block. Being sleepy I think I insert some nonsensical words while speaking to her.

Hope she doesn't think I'm crazy or something. Bad way to start studying in HELP.

I'm hoping for an empty room in hostel cause it's nearer to the place I'm going to study. The other residence is more expensive and a bit far so a huge no - no. But if I travel from my home to reach there my dad won't give me my usual weekly allowance (which is pretty large in sum so I desperately need it).

I'm pretty materialistic, I admit.

March, please come faster. I need my weekly dose of Chuck Bass. Right now I am charging myself with two Korean dramas. Thank God for KBS world. I'm addicted to Chuno and Dalja's Spring right now.

Chuno. So farking frustrating yet so damn addicting. The cliffhangers are ridicolously exciting. The lovers haven't met for 10 years and when they are on the verge of meeting each other... something happens. By now (the show is still showing), they still never see each other front-to-front. I just want to choke the writer of the show.

Dalja's Spring is a nice love story. A 33 year old woman is in a relationship with a guy six years younger. Despite the huge age difference, they have great chemistry. The actress was nicely chosen. One of the Korean actresses whom I like.

strumming the guitar, under the cotton candy-like clouds

i saw a rainbow (strecthed from somewhere to another somewhere)

i wonder how it feels

to feel f r e e

cause i feel a deep constraint binds around me

choking me and eating me from inside

i want to f l y
to somewhere that embrace {loneliness} and {guilt}.

Hurm, coloured fonts are apparently not my forte. I shall stick to black fonts.

miss me?

2010-02-06T04:07:00.000-08:00

I am too lazy to type these days. All I do is open the Internet and download, download and download. Did I mention download? Yeah.

My mouth farking hurts right now. I can't gargle properly while brushing my teeth. it is irritating.

Bored, I amazingly tidied my room. I wanted my room to smell like Lovely Lace but all I found are bottles of empty english tea and rose tea. There are lavender and jasmine. I am kinda freaked out in using the scent of jasmine cause in Malay culture, the smell of jasmine usually means the presence of puntianaks (>_<)

but bah legends....
jasmine it is.

I haven't eaten anything today yet. Farking hungry. Where are my family members? I'm all alone inside this freaking scary house.

anticipating twenty ten

2010-02-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

Dear John

The Last Song

Beck

Alice in The Wonderland

Deathly Hallows

Dawn Treader

The Lovely Bones

The Last Airbender

Nodame Cantabile

Toy Story 3

Still bored and being nonsensical at home. Any other great tv series?

Michelle Branch is releasing a new album this year. Can't wait!

and Jonas Brothers' songs are not that bad. Burnin' Up is addictive LOL.

and how the heck does Robert Pattinson was voted by Vanity Fair as the sexiest man in the world? Good looking? yes but SEXY? no.

i found my house keys!

2010-01-29T10:53:00.000-08:00

I found it under my bed -_-'

ANYWAY...

Travelled to many places today. From KLIA to Cyberjaya to Putrajaya to Petaling Jaya to Damansara to Wangsa Maju to Ampang and finally home sweet home.

I cooked fried meehon without anyone's help for the first time. It doesn't taste that bad. I am proud of myself :) Equiped with my fried meehon and comfy sofa I turned on the TV and watched ER. Ahhh... A perfect way to end my tiring night.

tonight's full moon was stellar. beautiful. i am content today.

saviour of my soul.

2010-01-25T11:46:00.000-08:00

Rereading Anne of the Green Gables and its following series. My my, Gilbert Blythe is the man every woman loves to have. Including me.

Rereading the Bell Jar. Honestly, the story gives me the chill. The suicide attempts. i wonder how people can make such a decision. mind is a fragile thing. much more fragile than the heart. contrary to popular's beliefs.

Rereading You Remind Me of You. I feel mad. Anger just surrounds me everytime I read the book.

Rereading Speak. I can't stop laughing. You gotta appreciate the cynical sarcasm the main character owns.

Once I have my own house. I'll paste paintings of Alphonse Mucha on my wall.

I feel despair whenever I see my mum's cooking. Helpless. She cooks great food. Yet, I can't fry a tasty omelette to save my life. Her recipes. It feels like going down the drain.

I will try to learn how to cook from her.

there you were. so b e a u t i f u l.

of course, you ignore me. you hugged some girl i don't know.

and kissed her.

you want me to watch you.

cause you love hearing my heart breaks.

(into t h o u s a n d s pieces)

and just like that.

i decide that enough is enough.

so why?

when you came back and said you love me.

i believe you?

Ohkay, that sounds so emoish. I have no idea what was I writing.

come back muse.

aurora borealis

2010-01-22T02:55:00.000-08:00

when can i ever see you?

surreal

2010-01-21T02:05:00.000-08:00

i don't know how am i suppose to feel.

happy? murdoch wants me
sad? i can't meet donghae
rejected? edith cowan never reply
angry? invasion of privacy
nauseous? no idea

emotionally... i'm not ready
physically... never ready
spiritually... don't even talk about it.

a tech person i am not

2010-01-15T12:24:00.000-08:00

I have issues with many electronical devices. You name it: laptop, computer, television and of course HANDPHONES. It frustrates me. As far as I am concerned I have never ever been evil to them.

Fine! I may occasionaly swear at them but never in my life have I ever hit them or drop them. So how come bad luck likes to follow me when it comes to technology? Drop by a response please. I am out of idea already.

Here I am watching the oh-so-farking-long buffered movie of Crows Zero 2 when the laptop automatically shut down. Motherfarker.

Ingatkan sekejap apa buffer video ni semua? It takes ages OKAY!

Now I am doubting whether I should buy myself the nokia phone because who knows? It might end up dead before I even reached the age of eighteen.

*screams*

By the way, Crows Zero 2 is a movie must be seen by action movie lovers. I watched it because of the Japanese actors (like DUH) but the action scenes are awesome. Thank God I almost reached the final part of the 9 videos I buffered. So tomorrow I might just buffer the ninth part if I am in the mood.

I might as well marry a tech guy like this. He wil solve all my bitter problems with technology.

ten things i must do before i die

2010-01-13T13:45:00.000-08:00

1. climb mount kinabalu

2. bungee jump

3. sky dive from kl tower

4. travel to the artic and witness aurora

5. have my home. filled with gazillions books.

6. visit tokyo & seoul.

7. graduate.

8. write a book.

9. master writing poetry

10. have my own family

charles bukowski once wrote:

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.

bullshits and craps

2010-01-12T12:25:00.000-08:00

i don't know what my folks want. sekejap itu, sekejap ini. stick with one thing, please?

i just read a depressing and sad story in fictionpress. forgive me for currently being emotinally fragile. it must be the pms. *snorts* then i must be having pms for the whole month.

dear anybody,

as my birthday comes nearer, i realise that all i want is a person who i can pour all my deepest dark secrets and outrages without ending up judging me. whenever i call, he or she is always there to say hello and then remain quiet signalling me to pour out the scarred and fluffy emotions.

i want to be hugged. as i snuggled my face in the crook of his or her shoulder. this is pathetic. it really is. i want to be called precious, beautiful or anything flattering.

it is also impossible. very mission impossible-like.

i want someone to pluck out her or his guitar while belting out songs from michael buble or james morrison or fukui mai. while i silently watch the person. marvelling over his or her talents. wondering what talents do i own?

in the end i just want him or her to shut up and also for me to shut up. we lie on the grass. watch the clouds/stars. whichever we are in the mood for.

this is not a love/hate story/tale.

yours truly,

anonymously anonymous.

i honestly wants draco malfoy as my boyfriend.
call me sick. call me crazy.
but then again, that is the sick truth.

this moment felt raw. indeed it does.

on another note, i submit my application to edith cowan
(m y d r e a m u n i v e r s i t y).
i don't know what i was thinking.
i just fill in the form and send it to them.
i don't want to go there at the moment but i want them to say yes.
it makes me feel i am needed. finally. by someone.

based on a true story

2010-01-11T12:26:00.000-08:00

Contrary to popular beliefs

Money do buy happiness.

:)

4 am in the morning

2010-01-08T12:14:00.000-08:00

I'm suppose to be sleeping because I'm watching Cirque somethingsomething with my siblings tomorrow. But reading a fanfiction about Draco Malfoy (hahahahahaha)keep me awake. I can't belive myself sometimes.

I try to watch ER faithfully every day. And I saw how Dr. Carter cried due to his addiction to drugs. It is just... heartwrenching. When I think about him in the first season he was very naive, innocent and gullible. Now, he's all messed up. Oh well, seeing as I am updated more than the tv he ends up well in the future and managed to be with my favourite character Abby! :)

I am nervous about my future. Yet, I can't wait to start my life as an undergraduate student.

Toy Story 3 is coming out this March/May. I swear I will definitely go watch it. Other movies I am anticipating are Alice In the Wonderland, Nodame Cantabile the Movie, Harry Potter 7 and others.

I want to treat my birthday just like any normal day but I can't! As the day comes nearer I am very very excited.

Michael Buble & James Morrison. I'm yours.

the labyrinth of suffering

2010-01-06T01:54:00.000-08:00

Location: United States of America

I want to travel the world and create a book filled with photos and essays. Not for the public to see but for myself when I was older and have grandchilrens.

The internet is driving me insane. The slow speed is like an acid. It burns every part of my body including my mind and soul.

I think I'm having a PMS. My sister ask me to go and do the laundry all by myself and I cried like hell while organising the clothes. Damn.

I bought Looking for Alaska. My favourite book so far. It generally discusses about three religions point of view of the afterlife (Buddhism, Christianity and Islam). Both Christians & Muslims believes that those who held high faith in God receives their reward through heaven. The Buddhists meanwhile believes in reincarnation. Although the whole main story is about the character's way of coping with the death of the person he loves; the snippets written got me thinking.

Everybody has been asking me my 2010 resolution. Get this. I don't have one and will never get one. Why should the early point of a year be the one controlling my life throughout the whole year. Doesn't make sense but I don't believe in new year resolutions.

Life is spontaneous. I don't believe in limiting myself.

Those cameras above, I love. I don't have skills in capturing breathtaking pictures and views but it is certainly a hell lot better than some people I know. Example: my older brother. He sucks at it big time.

I love this picture. In fact, I love any pictures with Yuu Aoi in it.

Watched Orange Days. Hurm, I don't like Kou Shibasaki. The drama was good, I guess. Nodame Cantabile is a better choice of a drama in my opinion. Remakes have to be beyond expecations because it is a great drama.

choked by own saliva

2010-01-03T02:40:00.000-08:00

Rewatched Full House on KBS channel. It was actually fun. But Korean dramas are starting to bore me. Or maybe the whole typical love square or love triangle no longer fascinates me.

My Girl and I? Love square
Delightful Sam Soon? Love square
You're Beautiful? Love square
Winter Sonata? Love square
Stairway to Heaven? Love square

A reason why I prefer watching Japanese and American dramas. They offer variety genres.

I force myself to write yesterday. Not much but still satisfying. I just write based on what is swirling inside my mind. I did not even plan it or anything.

Tomorrow I am going back to Adni to pick up my original O' Level certificate. Then meet the principal regarding the entrance to IIUM. Probably have to bring forward my dentist appoinment to this Wednesday.

I need a new farking phone. I am fed up with my old school phone. Please, for my birthday give me a new farking phone.

there are so many ifs

2010-01-01T12:52:00.000-08:00

I wonder what is it like to actually study in a real university. Not just some college or college university. Take IIUM for example. I was supposed to apply for it last year (2009) until my mum changed her mind and wanted me to apply for AUSMAT in Sunway.

I will definitely met my high school friends there. Half of them applied for IIUM.

I will be studying subjects that actually engrossed me like History, Sociology, Politicial Science, Contemporary Issues and Anthropology. Not subjects like Computer Science or Discrete Maths that sucked half of my soul throughout the whole year I studied it.

I had to admit that Career and Enterprise scared the fark out of me when I signed up for it. Business was never in my mind. No way.

Then it grew on me. There was so much writing involved that I love love love attending the class. Freaky. It became my other best subject other than English and it really helped my marks. So go CAE! The lecturer was cool too, Miss Angela has many interesting stories concerning today's companies and entrepeneurs.

However I still wonder what will happen if I managed to study Malay Advanced and not CAE. Will it bore me to death? Will I love it? Will I loathe it? Hurm...

So degree is starting. Farking scary. I'm seventeen. I should be worrying about SPM not DEGREE! big sigh.

2pm and Big Bang are by far still my most favourite music groups. They're funny and dorky. They have style. They look good in anything they wear. They are entertaining to watch.

I want GD's pink hoodie. It just screams out "BUY ME!"

Those two above are not good pictures of them. I am terribly sorry.

I am adding something to my birthday wishlist. A full complete season 1 of Criminal Minds. I need Reid Spencer (you sexy nerd) and Aaron Hotchner to fill up my boring and bleaky days like fish need water.

i refuse to talk about my result

2009-12-29T10:24:00.000-08:00

Michael Buble sang the lyrics Summer turn to winter and the snow it turn to rain and the rain turn into tears upon your face. I hardly recognised the girl you are today and God I hope it's not too late. Curious as to why is he so popular among every woman who listens to his songs? There you go.

I was watching NCIS, a crime tv drama. The main character remembered the first moment he spoke to his first wife. It was damn farking sweet I felt like puking. But I like what the girl said: everyone needs a code they can live by. The episode was so and so but that last scene really made up for it. It was just serene.

Chuck and Blair moments are also nice. They have this really powerful chemistry. They changed dramatically over the three seasons I had watched. Especially Chuck. They compliment each other.

Ohkay what the fark am I rambling about?

I WANT TO GO TO EDITH COWAN! AND DO A DOUBLE DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY & WRITING! MAKE IT REAL FOR ME!

but HELP right now seems the best that can offer me.

and Taylor Momsen does not deserve to exude that coolness. I'm the same age as her for fark sake.

life is not fair is it?

EDITHCOWANEDITHCOWANEDITHCOWAN. accept me please.

It's not bad being a librarian. Especially when you have big windows library all by yourself. I just watched a classic Japanese movie titled Love Letter. Takashi Kawashibara acts in it albeit a small role yet leaves a great impact. I noticed most of the Japanese movies I watched tend to put many forms of symbolism in it.

Love Letter is a classic Japanese movie directed by Shunji Iwai. My current favourite Japanese film director aside from Hayao Miyazaki. I nearly cried watching the last scene. Cinematography at its best.

I have to say, Japanese movies are good in producing beautiful cinematographies. Hands down.

let me ask you a rhetoric question.

2009-12-28T07:55:00.000-08:00

Which is worse? Arrogance or ignorance? Take a pick.

It's coming. The results.

I don't know how to react. Excited? Scared? Which one?

I just want to get the anticipation over with.

jude law, marry me?

2009-12-27T09:36:00.000-08:00

Long title, I know but Jude Law as Watson is heaven. I fancy him. Overall Sherlock Holmes movie was okay. The storyline was interesting. The jokes were at some point hilarious. But the actors totally steal the show.

My sisters, when they are in a bad mood turns into Dementors. They suck out the happiness of other people. It tires and depress the hell out of me. I feel like screaming Expecto Patronum whenever they get near me.

Which reminds me that sometimes I wish Hogwarts is real. I want to be sorted into either Slytherin or Ravenclaw.

Gryffindor & Hufflepuff? Hell farking no.

I saw Looking for Alaska in the bookstore this afternoon. Can't buy it cause my dad is being a cheapskate. He... sometimes gets on my nerves. He sarcastically like to question my motives every single day.

If I watch movie, why can't I read a book. If I read a book, why can't do I other benefitial stuffs. Despite having a large amount of salary, handing over RM10 to me seems like a big issue. Like.... ohkay. Whatever.

But I can't hide the fact that he pays for my tuition fees, gives me weekly allowance, answers my curiousity regarding the medical world, support me when mum was freaking mad at me. So yeah, Ily at the same time too.

Be more generous when it comes to paying for my expensive books please? ;)

Yeah, like he's gonna read this post. lol

And for the last time, I abhor Edward Cullen. I rather be in a relationship with Draco Malfoy. Now that is what I call an unhealthy relatioship. Except it's better cause he is actually a human plus wizard. No offense diehard fans.